I maybe able to help you a little. My husband is doing the volunteer who makes the sentences reading aloud data for a visual disorder person. But, at first, I think it's better that you use more short sentences, and Lee and Takuya's comments are very nice and they are collect. If you have to pronounce this, italki is not the only way. First, you have to complete your report. Next, you have to blush up the sentences. And finally, you have to pronounce. It's long way! How long time you have?

The writing is the script to add to my final project. The project itself is a video presentation. For me it counts as a undergraduate thesis. I guess i just mean I need it to sound less textbook learner Japanese and just more proper with a good flow. This is just my first draft.

I have read your notebook (I believe this is part of your project). If you really want to make your writings like a thesis style, you may have to ask a professorial teacher or people who have a master degree or more. Just because we are native speakers don't mean everyone can proofread a thesis. And I guess the amount of your whole project is beyond volunteering help on italki.

Thank you for the tip. I will try posting them there. It isn't a matter of I haven't learned it yet exactly, but because it is a thesis style paper it calls for a lot of terms and such I would never use in daily life. I am less worried about grammar and more concerned over how it sounds.

Why are you trying to use grammar you haven't learned yet? Would your instructor expect you to do that? If you can, I suggest you stick to what you know. Don't go with direct translation, but try to use what you already know to express approximately the same ideas. Alternatively, you could post your sentences into the notebook section and people could give you corrections there.