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Alexios
Do you think the phrase "undergo treatment" is ok in a context like the following?
"This video is aimed to protect the general public from the panic and misinformation it has been exposed to in the recent time. We are not giving answers(because there couldn't be any), but we rather raise a fair question: what will happen to a healthy individual if he or she suddenly undergoes an intensive, but quite irrelevant, treatment?"
1/ Is the phrase "undergo treatment" relevant ?
2/ Do you think the whole text is grammatically correct?
Thanks in advance!
2020年4月16日 18:31
回答 · 2
1
1) "Undergo treatment" is a valid expression. Something didn't quite sound right, and I think it's the "suddenly" adverb. Undergo has an undertone of a process, long/hard/painful/tedious... and "suddenly" is an unexpected word to see next to it. Grammatically correct, but semantically weird.
2) Grammatically I can't find any obvious errors but it doesn't flow very well in terms of semantics and tenses:
- First, I would say "This video aims to....". The passive voice there is not needed and doesn't add anything.
- Then I would rephrase the last sentence using "would" instead of "will" (since you're establishing a hypothetical scenario), replace irrelevant for 'unnecessary', remove "suddenly" as explained above, remove the sub-clause between commas, and put it in the subjunctive tense: "rather, we raise a fair (interesting?) question: what would happen to a healthy individual if he were to undergo an intensive but unnecessary treatment?"
2020年4月16日
1/ Is the phrase "undergo treatment" relevant ?
This phrase is relevant and correct for this context. In American English you will hear the phrase "undergo treatment" often to describe a doctor treating an illness.
Though, this language feels a little stiff.. I would phrase it like:
"What will happen to a healthy individual if he or she suddenly receives intensive and irrelevant treatment for (insert illness here)?"
2/ Do you think the whole text is grammatically correct?
From American English:
I can understand the passage and the meaning of the passage. Some of the wording does feel a little unnatural, but it is grammatically comprehensible.
Example Original:
We are not giving answers(because there couldn't be any), but we rather raise a fair question:
Proposed Changed:
We are not providing answers, because there aren't any, but rather we raise a fair question: ~
I hope that helps!
2020年4月16日
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Alexios
語学スキル
ベラルーシ語, 日本語, ポーランド語
言語学習
ベラルーシ語, 日本語, ポーランド語
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