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prettyautumn
Hi, I wrote a bad sentence, but didn't know how to improve it. Could anyone help me?
"I shook my head while looking at their faces, from one to the other."
There were two people sitting opposite me talking. I heard what they said and didn't agree with it, so I shook my head. At the same time, I looked at one guy first, then turned to look at the other guy.
How to describe it in a better way?
2024년 1월 9일 오후 4:03
답변 · 7
2
Which bit are you unhappy with?
2024년 1월 9일
"The words of two people nearby struck me wrong. My attention shifted back and forth from one to the other as I shook my head in disbelief. "
2024년 1월 10일
As is often the case, you answered your own question. Your description of the situation is quite clear. Your original sentence isn’t. So replace your sentence with your description!
2024년 1월 9일
The only issue I can see is that the sequence of the events isn't clear. The simplest way to fix it would be to just eliminate "at the same time."
There were two people sitting opposite me talking. I heard what they said and didn't agree with it, so I shook my head. I looked at one guy first, and then turned to look at the other guy.
2024년 1월 9일
아직도 답을 찾지 못하셨나요?
질문을 남겨보세요. 원어민이 도움을 줄 수 있을 거예요!
prettyautumn
언어 구사 능력
중국어(북경어), 영어, 프랑스어, 이탈리아어, 포르투갈어
학습 언어
영어, 프랑스어, 이탈리아어
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