kaho
Hello everyone. Today, I will talk about biodiversity. Biodiversity means that there are various organisms on the earth, such as human, virus, and dogs. They can’t live one self, so we live in together. Therefore, we living things support each other and live. However, biodiversity is being lost in the world. According to the abundance of biodiversity, 68% of all living things have disappeared in the world, and human beings consume the natural resources of 1.7 earths in one year. It means human use too many resources. It will be less resources available. So, we should protect our earth. However, I don’t know what to do, but we should know about situation of the earth now. We thought that we needed to take concrete measures for these. First, It is necessary to know and disseminate the importance of nature. In recent years, our lives have become more convenient and facilities that are easier to use than nature are preferred. However, this will reduce nature such as forests and lose biodiversity. Second, we should use eco-friendly products with Eco Mark. In addition, when shopping, it is necessary to take environmentally friendly actions such as using your own bag without receiving a bag.
2022년 1월 11일 오전 4:47
교정 · 1
1
Hello everyone. Today, I will talk about biodiversity. Biodiversity means that there are various organisms on the earth, such as humans, viruses, and dogs. We can’t live by ourselves, so we live together. (I think this could use some examples of how different organisms support one another.) Therefore, we living things support each other. However, biodiversity is being lost in the world. According to the current abundance of biodiversity, 68% of all living things have disappeared in the world, and human beings consume the natural resources of 1.7 earths in one year. It means humans use too many resources and there will be fewer resources available. So, we should protect our earth. However, I don’t know what to do, but we should know about the situation on the earth now. We thought that we needed to take concrete measures for these. (I would replace this sentence with something like, Here are some steps we can take to protect the earth.) First, it is necessary to know and disseminate the importance of nature. In recent years, our lives have become more about convenience, and facilities that are easier to use than nature are preferred. (This part could use an example of the types of facilities that reduce biodiversity.) However, this will reduce nature, such as forests, and we will lose more biodiversity. Second, we should use eco-friendly products with an Eco Mark. In addition, when shopping, it is necessary to take environmentally friendly actions such as bringing your own re-useable bag so you don't use a plastic bag.
This was a tougher one to correct! I feel like grammar and punctuation weren't too bad, but some points needed some examples. I understood the whole post, though, and that's the most important! Good job!
2022년 1월 11일
더 빨리 진행하고 싶나요?
이 학습 커뮤니티에 참여하고 무료로 연습해보세요!