Diary of my life
It is not the first time when I am changing an accommodation. I was a student for 5 years and changed 4 or 5 flats. However, when you leave a place where you were born and raised, you feel different.
The first time when we changed house, it was eighth autumn of my life. Our home was the only place that I could imagine myself living. My dad had founda job in another town, and they decided to move. We couldn't sell our home, because there were not any job to survive.
We built a house in the new town. And I started forgetting about the place that was so valuable for me. About a year we did not visit to that town. So, one day my parents wanted
me to see the place and revise my childhood memories. I'll never forget the feeling that I felt when I saw my sweet home, and I couldn't help crying by walking around.
A week ago my parents sold the house that was built by them, where I was a teenage girl, where we celebrated my graduation and my sisters got married. I know, a home is where our close people are around. However, I can't resist to feel that way again.
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Diary of my life
This is not the first time that I have changed an (my accommodation, could also work) accommodation. I was a student for 5 years and changed 4 or 5 flats. However, when you leave a place where you were born and raised, you feel different.
The first time when we changed house (The first time we moved), it was the eighth autumn of my life. Our home was the only place that I could imagine myself living. My dad had found a job in another town, and they decided to move. We couldn't sell our home, because there were not any job to survive. (Im not sure what you are trying to say here?)
We built a house in the new town. And I started forgetting about the place that was so valuable to me. About a year we did not visit to that town. So, one day my parents wanted
me to see the place and revise my childhood memories. I'll never forget the feeling that I felt when I saw my sweet home, and I couldn't help crying by walking around.
A week ago my parents sold the house that was built by them (Good! Or you could say the house that they built) where I was a teenage girl, where we celebrated my graduation and my sisters got married. I know, a home is where our close people are around. However, I can't resist to feel that way again.
Great passage and a beautiful story! I am a professional teacher here on iTalki if you would like more assistance with your writing or speaking :)
Take care,
Sara
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Diary of my life
It is not the first time that I have changed accommodation. I was a student for 5 years and changed 4 or 5 flats in that time. However, when you leave the place where you were born and raised, you feel different.
The first time we changed house, was the eighth autumn of my life. Our home was the only place where I could imagine myself living. My dad had found a job in another town, and they decided to move. We couldn't sell our home, because there were no jobs available.
We built a house in the new town. And I started forgetting about the place that was so dear to me. For about a year we did not visit that town. So, one day my parents wanted
me to see the place and revise my childhood memories. I'll never forget the feeling that I felt when I saw my sweet home, and I couldn't help crying when walking around.
A week ago my parents sold the house they had built, where I was a teenage girl, where we celebrated my graduation and my sisters got married. I know, a home is where our nearest and dearest are. However, I can't resist to feel that way again.
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Diary of my life
It is not the first time (when) I am changing an accommodations. I was a student for 5 years and changed 4 or 5 flats. However, when you leave a the place where you were born and raised, you feel different.
I think using accommodations in the plural and ommitting the article sounds a bit more natural. Both the times you use "when", you could also ommit it if you preferred, and write insted "when you leave the place you were born and raised in". I think you could use a more specific verb instead of "changed flats", such as "I moved in to 4 or 5 flats" I would also use the definite article to refer to the place you were born and raised, since it is a specific location and not a generic one.
The first time when we changed moved houses, it was eighth autumn of my life. Our home was the only place that I could imagine myself living in. My dad had found a job in another town, and they decided to move. We couldn't sell our home, because there were not any job to survive.
The verb to live requires the use of the preposition "in", so that goes in the end of the sentence. I didn't really understand what you meant with the last sentence "there were not any job to survive".
We built a house in the new town. And I started forgetting about the place that was so valuable for to me. For About a year we did not visit to that town. So, one day my parents wanted
me to see the place and revise relive/revisit my childhood memories.
To revise means to go over something and make corrections, so I think either relive or revisit would better convey the meaning you were going for.
I'll never forget the feeling that I felt when I saw my sweet home, and I couldn't help crying by walking as I walked around.
To indicate that you were crying at the same time you were walking, you can use the word "as", instead of by. If you prefered, another alternative would be to say "i couldn't help but cry"
A week ago my parents sold the house that was built by them (a), where I was a teenage girl, where we celebrated my graduation and my sisters got married. I know, a home is where our close people are around. However, I can't resist to feel feeling that way again.
(a) it's not necessarily incorrect, but I think it would sound more natural if you used "the house they built"
This is a nicely written text - most mistakes are minor and have to do with prepositions/expressions. On an unrelated note, I'm really sorry your parents had to sell your childhood home. I hope this is helpful.
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