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Joey
Myopia problem in China Recently in China, more and more people, especially young people, have been suffering from myopia. In the last 5 years, our life habits have changed with the appearance of digital products and the internet. Nowadays, digital products have mushroomed. Everyone has a phone, every family has at least one television. More and more people are getting to be an Internet addict. We can’t live without digital products and the internet. We shopping online, do recreation online, studying online even working online. One problem with spending too much time on the internet is that it keeps us from getting exercise and going outside. This phenomenon has caused a lot of problems. The biggest problem is that Chinese people’s eyesight is gradually declining. Recent research claims that over 80% of the Chinese high school students are wearing glasses. Experts claim that children watch too many digital devices is the main reason for it. The problem of people’s eyesight declining has many negative effects on our life and work. For example, some jobs have strict vision restrictions. And wearing glasses is not convenient for us to do sport. What I’m trying to say is that we should try to do something to prevent the problem from getting worse. I believe we can solve this problem through education in school and at home. We should instruct adolescents on life habits, and encourage people to put down the phone and go outside. Keep working out regularly. Enjoy our nature and the real world.
2020년 7월 16일 오전 3:44
교정 · 3
Myopia problem in China

Recently in China, more and more people, especially young people, have been suffering from myopia. In the last 5 years, our lifestyle habits have changed with the appearance of digital products and the internet.
(don't forget to leave a line space between paragraphs)

Nowadays, digital products have mushroomed everywhere. Everyone has a phone, every family has at least one television. More and more people are <s>getting to be an</s> becoming Internet addicts. We can’t live without digital products [digital devices] and the internet. We shop <s>ping</s> online, do recreational activities online, study <s>ing</s> online even work <s>ing</s> online. One problem with spending too much time on the internet is that it keeps us from getting exercise and going outside.
This phenomenon has caused a lot of problems. The biggest problem is that Chinese people’s eyesight is gradually declining [I prefer to say : deteriorating or worsening] . Recent research claims that over 80% of the Chinese high school students are wearing glasses. Experts claim that <s>children watch too many digital devices is</s> the main reason for <s>it</s> this is that children are spending too much time on their digital devices.

The problem of people’s eyesight declining [deteriorating/worsening] has many negative effects on our life and work. For example, some jobs have strict vision <s>restrictions</s> requirements. And wearing glasses <s>is not</s> makes it inconvenient for us to do sports.

What I’m trying to say is that we should try to do something [...we should to take action...] to prevent the problem from getting worse.

I believe we can solve this problem through education in school and at home. We should <s>instruct</s> educate and guide adolescents on <s>life</s> healthy lifestyle habits, and encourage people to put down their phones and go outside regularly. Keep working out regularly. Enjoy our nature and the real world.

It's a very good essay. In blue are suggestions only. Instead of "eyesight is declining," I personally prefer to write it as "eyesight is deteriorating" or "eyesight is worsening." But I have often seen people say "declining eyesight" so I did not change it. Up to you.
2020년 7월 19일
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