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Sandy Lu
Any unnatural expression? In my opinion the most needed change that should take place in my local area is to build high-speed rail networks. In the past, about 20 years ago, my hometown contributed greatly to the country by providing timber resources for free. As a result, a large number of trees were logged down, and shipped to other parts of the country. Nowadays, however, because it is located remotely, in the far-flung corners of the nation, it's kind of forgotten by the central government. We still use slow and outdated trains in our province. If the high-speed rail networks penetrate into my hometown, that will definitely boost the economic development of this area. Firstly, rural dwellers will have access to major cities to do business such as sell their produce. Secondly, it will attract more talented young people to settle down and these elites will bring wealth and prosperity. As for the problem that would probably accompany high-speed rail networks I think is that the cost of living, including housing prices, will increase significantly. But personally I believe if this place grows wealthier, the rising cost will be offset by the rising income to some extent. I'm looking forward to seeing the government allocate funds to build high-speed rail networks in this region.
2020년 7월 22일 오전 5:46
교정 · 4
Any unnatural expression?

In my opinion the most needed change that should take place in my local area is to build high-speed rail networks.

In the past, about 20 years ago, my hometown contributed greatly to the country by providing timber resources for free. As a result, a large number of trees were logged down, and shipped to other parts of the country.

Nowadays, however, because it is located remotely, in the far-flung corners of the nation, it's kind of forgotten by the central government. We still use slow and outdated trains in our province.
If the high-speed rail networks penetrate into my hometown, that will definitely boost the economic development of this area.

Firstly, rural dwellers will have access to major cities to do business such as sell their produce.
Secondly, it will attract more talented young people to settle down and these elites will bring wealth and prosperity.

<s>As for</s> Some of the problem that would probably accompany high-speed rail networks are, the cost of living, including housing prices, will increase significantly. But personally I believe if this place grows wealthier, the rising cost will be offset by the rising income to some extent.

I'm looking forward to seeing the government allocate funds to build high-speed rail networks in this region.

Very well written!
2020년 7월 28일
Any unnatural expression?

In my opinion the most needed change that should take place in my local area is to build high-speed rail networks.

<em style="background-color: rgb(102, 185, 102);">needed change</em><em> is possible but sounds unusual. I think it is becuase 'change' isn't specific enough.</em>
In my opinion the change/development/improvement/reform that is most urgently required in my local area is to build high-speed rail networks.


In the past, about 20 years ago, my hometown contributed greatly to the country by providing timber resources for free. As a result, a large number of trees were logged down, and shipped to other parts of the country.

Nowadays, however, because it is located remotely, in the far-flung corners of the nation, it's kind of forgotten by the central government. We still use slow and outdated trains in our province.


If the high-speed rail networks penetrate into my hometown, that will definitely boost the economic development of this area.

<em>I would prefer second conditional here to emphasise that it isn't happening</em>
If the high-speed rail networks penetrated into my hometown, that would definitely boost the economic development of this area.

Firstly, rural dwellers will have access to major cities to do business such as sell their produce.
Secondly, it will attract more talented young people to settle down and these elites will bring wealth and prosperity.

As for the problem that would probably accompany high-speed rail networks I think it is that the cost of living, including housing prices, will increase significantly. But personally I believe if this place grows wealthier, the rising cost will be offset by <s style="color: rgb(230, 0, 0);">the </s>rising incomes to some extent.

I'm looking forward to seeing the government allocate funds to build high-speed rail networks in this region.


<em>Well corrected, good vocabulary use and clearly organised.</em>
2020년 7월 28일
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