land degradation The pie chart below describes the causes of worldwide land degradation while the table describes how the reasons affected three regions(namely North American, Europe and Oceania) duri

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Emma Xiong

land degradation The pie chart below describes the causes of worldwide land degradation while the table describes how the reasons affected three regions(namely North American, Europe and Oceania) during the 1990s. As can be see from the pie chart, the majority causes of world land degradation is over-gazing, it oppucied 35% of the whole. The other two reasons are deforestation and over-cultivation, respectively 30% and 28%. There are also other causes lead to land degradation,it account for 7% of the total. Different regions had different extent of degradation, Europe had the most serious land degradation,23%of its land had been degraded and the main cause of degradation was deforestation. Similarly, Oceania ,where the main cause of land degradation was over-grazing,was under this risk and almost 13% of the land was degraded. North American suffered the lowest percentage of land degradation,,which was 5% but the problem of over-cultivation was undeniable. Overall, the land degradation which caused by over-cultivation, over-grazing and deforestation ,was a big challenge to the three developed regions.

2011년 12월 3일 오전 8:43

교정 · 2

Land Degradation

The pie chart below describes the causes of worldwide land degradation, while the table describes how these reasons affected three regions (namely North American, Europe and Oceania) during the 1990s.

As can be seen from the pie chart, the majority causes of world land degradation is over-grazing, which occupies 35% of the total. The other two main reasons are deforestation and over-cultivation, at 30% and 28% respectively. There are also other causes leading to land degradation, which accounts for 7% of the total.

Different regions suffered different extents of degradation; Europe had the most serious level of degradation, with 23% of its land had been degraded, and the main cause of degradation being deforestation. Similarly, Oceania, where the main cause of land degradation was over-grazing, was under this risk and almost 13% of the land had been degraded. North American suffered the lowest percentage of land degradation,,which was 5% but the problem of over-cultivation was undeniable.

Overall, the land degradation which was caused by over-cultivation, over-grazing and deforestation, was a big challenge to serious issue for the three developed regions.

Good work - my only problem was that you used keywords (such as <em>degradation</em>) much too often. This is a quick and definite way to lose marks. Try to use synonyms, or even structure your sentences so you only use the word once.

The last paragraph is very general and therefore sounds quite weak; try to focus more on the important factors you mentioned earlier in your essay.

2011년 12월 5일

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