IELTS task 1. "the Number of Men and Women in Further Education in Britain". Could you please take a look at my notes and correct them? Please help me kindly. Thank you in advance. The bar char

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Sarah

IELTS task 1. "the Number of Men and Women in Further Education in Britain". Could you please take a look at my notes and correct them? Please help me kindly. Thank you in advance. The bar chart demonstrates changes in the proportion of British male and female students in further education during the time period from 1970 to 1990, according to full-time and part-time education. With regard to full-time students, the number of men studied full-time almost doubled from approximately 100 thousand to slightly fewer than 200 thousand students. Additionally, there was a four-fold increase in the number of female students, soaring from roughly 50 thousand to over 200 thousand students. As for the students in the part time education, in 1970, while only 800 thousand female studied in part-time education, the figure rose to 1000 thousand for male part-time students. Between 1980 and 1990, the number of male students first declined to slightly fewer than 800 thousand, and then grew negligibly to nearly 900 thousand. The proportion of female students surged dramatically to over 1000 thousand by the year 1990. To conclude, it is clear that the number of male and female students in Britain in full-time and part-time education shot up during the twenty year span.

2013년 2월 24일 오후 1:56

교정 · 10

Hey Sarah, there were not many mistakes this time, but I think you mixed up the full-time and part-time graphs.

IELTS task 1. "the Number of Men and Women in Further Education in Britain".

Could you please take a look at my notes and correct them? Please help me kindly. Thank you in advance.

The bar chart demonstrates changes in the proportion of British male and female students in further post-secondary education during the time period from 1970 to 1990, according to full-time and part-time education.
With regard to full-time students, the number of men that studied part-time almost doubled from approximately 100 thousand to slightly fewer than 200 thousand students. Additionally, there was a four-fold increase in the number of female students, soaring from roughly 50 thousand to over 200 thousand students.
As for the students in the full-time education, in 1970, while only 700 thousand female studied in part-time education, the figure rose to 1000 thousand for male part-time students. Between 1980 and 1990, the number of male students first declined to slightly fewer than 800 thousand, and then grew negligibly to nearly 900 thousand. The proportion of female students surged dramatically to over 1000 thousand by the year 1990.
To conclude, it is clear that the number of male and female students in Britain in full-time and part-time education shot up during the twenty year span.

*When writing your conclusion, try to see how things change over time. I think a better conclusion would be “While part-time education increased for both genders, female full-time education dramatically increased within the last two decades

Keep practicing and you will get better at it :)

2013년 2월 24일

IELTS task 1. "the Number of Men and Women in Further Education in Britain".

Could you please take a look at my notes and correct them? Please help me kindly. Thank you in advance.

The bar chart demonstrates changes in the proportion of British male and female students in further education during the time period from 1970 to 1990, according to full-time and part-time education.
With regard to full-time students, the number of men who studied full-time almost doubled from approximately 100 thousand to slightly fewer than 200 thousand students. Additionally, there was a four-fold increase in the number of female students, soaring from roughly 50 thousand to over 200 thousand students.
As for the students in the part time education, in 1970, while only 800 thousand females studied in part-time education, the figure rose to 1000 thousand for male part-time students. Between 1980 and 1990, the number of male students first declined to slightly fewer than 800 thousand, and then grew negligibly to nearly 900 thousand. The proportion of female students surged dramatically to over 1000 thousand by the year 1990.
To conclude, it is clear that the number of male and female students in Britain in full-time and part-time education shot up during the twenty year span.

Again really good.

2013년 2월 24일

IELTS task 1. "the Number of Men and Women in Further Education in Britain".

Could you please take a look at my notes and correct them? Please help me kindly. Thank you in advance.

The bar chart demonstrates changes in the proportion of British male and female students in further education during the time period from 1970 to 1990, according to full-time and part-time education.
With regard to full-time students, the number of men studied studying full-time almost doubled from approximately 100 thousand to slightly fewer just less than 200 thousand students. Additionally, there was a four-fold increase in the number of female students, soaring from roughly 50 thousand to over 200 thousand students.
As for the students in the part time education, in 1970, while only there were 800 thousand female studied students in part-time education, the figure rose toand1000 thousand a million for male part-time students. Between 1980 1970 and 1990, the number of male students first declined dropped to slightly fewer than 800 thousand in 1980, and then grew negligibly increasing again to nearly 900 thousand by 1990. The proportion of female students surged dramatically over the same period from around 700 000 to over 1000 thousand a million by the year 1990.
(To conclude, it is clear that the number of male and female students in Britain in full-time and part-time education shot up during the twenty year span.) In concluson, it is clear that the number of students in Britain increased over this twenty year period, and in particular, shot up dramatically for those in full-time education.