IELTS task 2. Are there any mistakes? Could you please help me kindly.Thank you in advance. Nowadays,radio is being replaced by TV and the Internet.To what extent do you agree or disagree with idea?

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IELTS task 2. Are there any mistakes? Could you please help me kindly.Thank you in advance. Nowadays,radio is being replaced by TV and the Internet.To what extent do you agree or disagree with idea? Nowadays, an ever-increasing number of people spend a great deal of their time in front of TV or computers rather than listening to radios. There are good compelling arguments in support of the view that TV and internet are the most effective media which are being substituted for radios. Firstly, in recent years, TVs play a pivotal role in every aspect of people's lives. After the advent of televisions, the number of hours people devote to watch TV have annually increased. Each year, due to technological advancement, a new model of TV is introduced to the global market. Nowadays, people can enjoy watching 3-D programs and movies which take people to a real world via the virtual tool. Consequently, these kinds of television can convey a depth perception to the viewers. Secondly, watching TV has abundant benefits rather than listening to the radio. One of the underlying advantages of watching TV is that it is a visual medium. Just as people can listen to television, they can also see what is going on it. Another advantage is that advertisements on TV can draw people's attention more easily than those on radio, because various merchandises on TV commercials can catch people's eyes more easily. Finally, these days,telecommunication technology like internet has immensely modified people's lifestyle, so people all around the world in different age groups are dealing with computers and the internet. There is no doubt that a vast majority of juveniles and children not only play online games with their peers, but also chat with their online friends rather than going out with their real friends. Additionally, lots of researchers and scientists can easily find diverse sources of information on the internet. There is ample evidence that the number of telecommuting jobs are increasing each year, and thus more and more employees are supposed to stay at home and accomplish their daily work online. Moreover,various universities all around the world offer online courses to students in different university fields or levels of education. As a result, people's lives have been depended on the internet more than before. To conclude, according to the aforementioned reasons, since TVs and the internet have been entered people's lives, their dependence upon TV and the internet have increased, so people tend to watch TV or surf the internet rather than listening to the radio

2013년 2월 24일 오후 9:06

교정 · 6

IELTS task 2. Are there any mistakes? Could you please help me kindly.Thank you in advance.

Nowadays, radio is being replaced by TV and the Internet.To what extent do you agree or disagree with idea?
Nowadays, an ever-increasing number of people spend a great deal of their time in front of TVs or computers rather than listening to radios. (as fdmaxey explained, tvs as in the boxes or tv as in the medium) There are good (you could leave the word "good" out as it is already implied by "compelling" and it's already a long sentence) compelling arguments in support of the view that TV and internet are the most effective media which are being substituted for radios.

Firstly, in recent years, TV (i think it's more appropriate to talk about the medium of tv here rather than the item (box) hence TV and not TVs) play has played a pivotal role in every aspect of people's lives. (In recent years - earlier years, so you should continue with past tense.) After the advent of televisions, the number of hours people devote to watching TV has increased annually. Each year, due to technological advancement, a new model of TV is introduced to the global market. Nowadays, people can enjoy watching 3-D programs and movies which take people to a real world via (i THINK "with" rather than via would be better) the virtual tools. ("the virtual tools" or "a virtual tool". Unless there is only one, or a special one referred to as "THE virtual tool". Actually it is not the tool that is virtual. right? so "virtual tools" is not quite correct to say.) Consequently, these kinds of televisions (as in the boxes) can convey a depth perception to the viewers. (or, this kind of televison, if you want to talk about the medium of 3d tv shows) (perception is not conveyed. i don't think so anyway ;-) convey a sense of depth, maybe)

Secondly, watching TV has abundant benefits rather over than listening to the radio. (as fdmaxey said it is probably the best but I am offering an alternative) One of the underlying advantages of watching TV is that it is a visual medium. (there is no need to say underlying here. In fact it is not underlying) Just as people can listen to television, they can also see what is going on (on / with) it. ("on on" - to avoid that -> they can also see what is happening on it) Another advantage is that advertisements on TV can draw people's attention more easily than those on radio, because various merchandises on TV commercials can catch people's eyes more easily. (merchandise is already collective so no need to pluralise)
Finally, these days,telecommunication technology like the Internet has immensely modified people's lifestyle, so people all around the world in different age groups are dealing with computers and the Internet. (in computing, two or more computer networks which are interconnected form an internet, the largest such internet being what we call simply the Internet). There is no doubt that a vast majority of juveniles and children not only play online games with their peers, but also chat with their online friends rather than going out with their real friends. Additionally, lots of researchers and scientists can easily find diverse sources of information on the internet. There is ample evidence that the number of telecommuting jobs are increasing each year, and thus more and more employees are supposed to stay at home and accomplish their daily work online. Moreover,various universities all around the world offer online courses to students in different university fields or and levels of education. As a result, people's lives have been depended more dependant on the internet than before.
To conclude, according to the aforementioned reasons, since TV and the Internet have been entered people's lives, their peoples dependence upon TV and the internet has increased, so they tend to watch TV or surf the internet rather than listening to the radio. (about "thier" lives, in this sentence "they" were tv and the Internet, not people.)

If you don't pass this IELTS exam with flying colours then the test must be rubbish :)

2013년 2월 24일

IELTS task 2. Are there any mistakes? Could you please help me kindly.Thank you in advance.

Nowadays, radio is being replaced by TV and the Internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this idea?
Nowadays, an ever-increasing number of people spend a great deal of their time in front of TV or computers rather than listening to radios. There are good compelling arguments in support of the view that TV and internet are the most effective media that are being substituted for radios.
Firstly, in recent years, TV plays a pivotal role in every aspect of people's lives. After the advent of televisions, the number of hours people devote to watch TV has increased annually. Each year, due to technological advancement, a new model of TV is introduced to the global market. Nowadays, people can enjoy watching 3-D programs and movies that take people to a real world via the virtual tool. Consequently, these kinds of television can convey a depth perception to the viewers.
Secondly, watching TV has abundant benefits, as opposed to listening to the radio. One of the underlying advantages of watching TV is that it is a visual medium. Just as people can listen to television, they can also see what is going on. Another advantage is that advertisements on TV can draw people's attention more easily than those on radio, because various merchandises on TV commercials can catch people's eyes more easily.
Finally, these days,telecommunication technology like internet has immensely modified people's lifestyle, so people all around the world in different age groups are dealing with computers and the internet. There is no doubt that a vast majority of juveniles and children not only play online games with their peers, but also chat with their online friends rather than going out with their real friends. Additionally, lots of researchers and scientists can easily find diverse sources of information on the internet. There is ample evidence that the number of telecommuting jobs are increasing each year, and thus more and more employees are supposed to stay at home and accomplish their daily work online. Moreover, various universities all around the world offer online courses to students in different university fields or levels of education. As a result, people's lives have been dependent on the internet more than before.
To conclude, according to the aforementioned reasons, since TV and the internet have been entered people's lives, their dependence upon TV and the internet have increased, so people tend to watch TV or surf the internet rather than listening to the radio.