Search from various 영어 teachers...
dandelion.hang
Should the retirement age be raised?- correct me please In recent researchs, it is showed that human average age has been improved. This leads to a suggestion that employees should retire at a later age than it has been. In my opinion, I strongly oppose this idea for these reasons. The first reason worth for me to mention is that people nowadays have to face with stress, the most common mental problem, throughout their lifetime. Since there are more competitions at workplace, working harder becomes a key to keep our jobs and get promotion. Employees are asked to work overtime. Everthing has to be done as quickly as possible, which creates a hurry life style. For that reason, we always feel busy and do not have enough time to relax or enjoy our lives. This means our health will not be able to handle any tasks, when we reach the age of 65. As we know, our health care system has also been changed in a better way. However, illnesses, such as cancers and diabetes, are still affecting our lives, which is my second reason to mention. Scientists have proved that virus and bacteria transform themselves to survive and become more dangerous. Illnesses spread out widely through plenty of ways, which makes it harder to control. Based on what are written, I could say that we have more complicated issues, although we are living longer. I believe remaining the same retirement age is more considerable for goverments.
2013년 5월 19일 오전 6:22
교정 · 5

Should the retirement age be raised?- correct me please

In recent research, it is shown that the human average age has increased. This suggests that employees should retire at a later age than previously. I strongly oppose this idea for the following reasons.

The first reason worth mentioning is that people nowadays have to face stress, the most common mental problem, throughout their lifetime. Since there is more competition at the workplace, working harder becomes a key to keeping our jobs and getting promotions. Employees are asked to work overtime. Everthing has to be done as quickly as possible, which creates a hurried life style. For that reason, we always feel busy and do not have enough time to relax or enjoy our lives. This means our health will not be able to handle any tasks, when we reach the age of 65.

As we know, our health care system has also been improved. However, illnesses, such as cancers and diabetes, are still affecting our lives, which is my second reason. Scientists have proven that viruses and bacteria transform themselves to survive and become more dangerous. Illnesses spread widely in multiple ways, which makes them harder to control.

Based on what I have written, I could say that we have more complicated issues, although we are living longer. I believe retaining the same retirement age is more considerate for goverments.

2013년 5월 19일
더 빨리 진행하고 싶나요?
이 학습 커뮤니티에 참여하고 무료로 연습해보세요!

집에서 편안하게 언어를 배울 수 있는 기회를 놓치지 마세요. 경험 많은 강사진을 살펴보고 지금 바로 첫 수업을 신청하세요!