Tourism Industry

In some regions, tourism has become the most important industry. The development improvement of the tourism this industry stimulates the development of the local economy in a large part big way. But some people think that commercialization may lead to the loss of traditional cultures. Too many tourists may also cause destruction to make the scenic sport environment been destroyed. But on the other hand, the tax revenue, which had been bring by the tourism industry brings in, can support the government to finance more schools, libraries, and museums,; make which will give teenagers the chance to know more about traditional culture. At the same time, the economic benefits of the tourism industry are makes causes local residents to be more careful to in maintaining their environment.

The red type is text that was added or changed. The crossed out type is text that needs removed. Note that in your second sentence you used the word 'development' twice. Try not to use the same word in the same sentence or group of connected sentences, because it may sound like the speaker/writer has a limited vocabulary. Try and use a different word with a similar meaning instead. All-in-all, not bad. A few corrections, and be sure to watch your verb agreements.

I hope this helps.

~Samantha  :)