Help me to correct my essay please

==================My attitude to culture shock==============

The first thing, that everyone has to face when being in a foreign country, is culture shock. Even though it can affect us dramatically, I personally find culture shock positive and necessary for our development.

As commonly known, culture shocks are caused by the differences between two or more cultures, when people feel unfamiliar with the new one. It is the differences that make our journey interesting. If the Africans had the same traditions as the Americans, there would be no reasons for us to travel to Africa. If every person in this world had KCF or Hamburger for their meals, we couldn’t find out the beauty of other cuisines. Without these differences, our lives would be (or become?) really boring. That’s why I believe facing up to culture shocks is one of the most interesting experiences.

Besides having new experiences, we also can improve ourselves, when we are in a foreign country. Let me take myself as an example. In Vietnam I didn’t take a single part time job, because I had my parents there to help me. Being in Germany, I ,however, have learnt to earn money on my own and to save up for my future. I have also tried to cook more and recognized that I love cooking so much. How great it is!
Facing up to a new culture could be a challenge but also an opportunity. With a positive attitude, everything will be fine.

Hello Dandelion,

Interesting article about culture shock with just a few minor mistakes. Well done.

Bob

Help me to correct my essay please

==================My attitude to culture shock==============

The first thing, that everyone has to face when being in a foreign country, is culture shock. Even though it can affect us dramatically I personally find culture shock positive and necessary for our development.
As is commonly known, culture shock is caused by the differences between two or more cultures, when people feel unfamiliar to the new one. It is the differences that make our journey interesting. If the Africans had the same traditions like the Americans, there would be no reasons for us to travel to Africa. If all people in this world had KCF or hamburger for their meals, we couldn’t find out the beauty of other cuisines. Without these differences, our lives would become (or became?) really boring. That’s why I believe facing up to culture shock is one of the most interesting experiences.
Besides having new experiences, we also can improve ourselves when we are in a foreign country. Let me take myself as an example. In Vietnam I didn’t take a single part time job, because I had my parents there to help me. Being in Germany, however, I however have learnt to earn money on my own and to save it for my future. I have also tried to cook more and recognized that I love cooking very much. How great it is!
Facing to a new culture could be a challenge but also an opportunity. With a positive attitude, everything will be fine.

[Very good.  'Culture shock' is considered to be singular.  For the plural, we usually refer to 'instances of culture shock'.  The tern 'culture shocks' is technically correct, but just not used.]