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Huang Peiru
Love around us Love means giving. Loving means paying attention to others. Love means giving warmth to one you love, love also means understanding. There is a lot of love around us. People often say that a father’ s love is like a mountain and a mother’ s love is like the sea. Parents’ love is the greatest love in the world. When I was a child, I often had a high fever. One day, I had a high fever again and felt very bad. My parents took me to the hospital at once. On the way to the hospital, it got dark suddenly and the wind blew strongly. And then it began to rain. My mother carried me and my father held up an umbrella for me. Their clothes were all wet but mine were dry. I was greatly moved by the parent’s love. Parents’ love, like a shining star, shines in my path of success.
2016년 7월 12일 오전 9:05
교정 · 7

*Love around us

Love means giving. Loving means paying attention to others. Love means giving warmth to one you love; (and) love also means understanding.
There is a lot of love around us. People often say that a father’s love is like a mountain, and/while a mother’s love is like the sea. Parents’ love is the greatest love in the world.
When I was a child, I often had a high fever. One day, I had a high fever again and felt very sick/ill/bad. My parents took me to the hospital at once. On the way to the hospital, it got dark suddenly, and the wind blew strongly, and then it began to rain*. My mother carried me, and my father held up an umbrella for me. Their clothes were all wet, but mine were dry. I was greatly moved by the my parents' love. *My parents’ love, like a shining star, shines* in/on* my path of to success.

* or, in the words of the song  'Love is all around us'

* You can write this as a separate sentence, but you should not begin with 'and' :   ' . . blew strongly.  Then it began to rain'

*to avoid using the word  'shine'  again, you could say :  'lights my path . . '  or  'lights up my path to success'  or  'illuminates my path to success'

* There is a subtle difference between  'shines in my path'  and  'shines on my path' :  'shines in . .'  means that it was there but you did not need it to see the path, while  'shines on . .'  suggests that you needed the light [of your parents' love] to see the path  i.e. to guide you along the way.

It might be better not to repeat the expression  'my parents' love'  at the end, unless you particularly want to emphasise this.  You could write :    I was greatly moved by my parents' love which, like a shining star, lights my path to success.

Very well written.

2016년 7월 12일

Love around us

Love means giving,  paying attention to others, giving warmth to one you love and understanding.

There is a lot of love around us. People often. say that a father’s love is like a mountain, and a mother’s love is like the sea. The love of parents  is the greatest love of them all.   (una expresion especificamente para esta oración),

When I was a child, I oftened had a high fever. One day, I had a high fever and I felt very bad. My parents took me to the hospital, immediately . On the way to the hospital, it got dark and suddenly,  the wind blew strongly. and it began to rain.

My mother carried me and my father was holding an umbrella for me. Their clothes were all wet but mine were dry. I was greatly moved by my parent’s love.   A parent´s love is like a shining star, It shines on my way to success.

Buen trabajo!   solamente en final a parent´s love es correcto en inglés and it shines on my way como en el mi camino a lo largo del camino.


2016년 7월 12일
Thank you.
2016년 7월 13일
warm words :)
2016년 7월 12일
I CAN RELATE
2016년 7월 12일
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