This is my assignment.
The title is"Some people think it is a good idea for university students to have part-time jobs. Do you agree or disagree? "
I agree with people who are university students to have part-time jobs because I think it can be preparation and social experiences for jobs. Therefore, having part-time jobs, not only they can learn how hard to get money but they can learn polite conversation. After having part-time jobs and when students get job, they can be good to start for work.
Thank you for reading.
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교정 · 4
1
This is my assignment.
The title is"Some people think it is a good idea for university students to have part-time jobs. Do you agree or disagree? "I agree with that people who are university students to should have part-time jobs because I think it can be used as preparation and social experiences for jobs. Therefore, by having part-time jobs, not only can they can learn how hard it is to get money but, they can also learn polite conversation (skills*). After having part-time jobs, and when students get a job, they can be have a good to start for to work.
Thank you for reading.
*You don't have to add skills, but it sounds more natural.
-Hope this helps^_^
0
This is my assignment.
The title is"Some people think it is a good idea for university students to have part-time jobs. Do you agree or disagree? "I agree with people who are that university students should be able to have part-time jobs because I think it can be good preparation and social experiences for future jobs. Therefore, having part-time jobs, can not only they can learn teach students how hard it is to get earn money, but they can learn also provide a chance to learn polite conversation and social interaction. After having had part-time jobs and when students get job, they can be good university graduates are ready and well-experienced to start for in the workforce.
Thank you for reading.
じゅんさん、I made more corrections then I planned. This was already good writing. I think my suggestions will help tighten it up, and make the ideas stronger. I felt that "polite conversation" wasn't a strong enough goal, so I added "social interaction."
In the last sentence, I changed "work" to "workforce" (労働人口).
Some of my edits might be over-the-top, so use your own judgment.
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