Help in correcting a letter
I am feeling so upset for telling you that I didn't get the xxx fellowship. I'm trying to find out the reason for that. I surfed the web trying to find others relevant fellowship for xxx students in Xxx, unfortunately I wasn't lucky. Do you think we can proceed? I should wait for Prof' xxx response?
I'd love to hear your suggestions.
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Help in correcting a letter
Dear Yyy,
How are you? I am feeling so upset for telling you (1) that I didn't get the xxx fellowship. I'm trying to find out the reason for this outcome(2) that. I surfed the web trying to find other relevant fellowship for xxx students in Xxx. Unfortunately, I wasn't lucky. Do you think we can proceed? Should I (3) wait for Prof xxx's response?I'd love to hear your suggestions.
Regards,
Farah
Hi Farah, good try. I just have a few suggestions for you:
(1) There isn't a need for "for telling you" as the recipient is already reading your letter and knows that you are telling her your feelings (the letter is meant for her).
(2) I used "outcome" as I feel it is more specific than 'that'. As a reader, I may be wondering if 'that' is referring to (i) the outcome or (ii) you feeling upset. Of course, we know you are referring to (i). However, we try to avoid ambuguity to the best of our ability.
(3) When we transform a declarative sentence to an interrogative sentence, we invert the positions of the VERB and PRONOUN
Example:
I (pronoun) should (verb) wait for Prof Z's reply.
Should(verb) I (pronoun) wait for Prof Z's reply?
Hope this helps.
Cheers,
Lance
P.S. Since we are writing a letter, we start with a salution (Dear Yyy, / Hi Yyy). We end with a valediction (Regards, Farah)
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