교정 · 2
Writing practice (Magoosh)
Some parents forbid their young children from owning smart phones (cell phones with Internet access), while others disagree and believe that they are important tools for keeping in touch. Which point of view do you think is better, and why?I think that smartphones are important tools for us nowadays, but we need to use it for good. If young children have a smartphones, they can do researches (<--"Research" is always singular in English; the word "researches" is the 3rd person singular simple present verb form.) while they are studying, they can contact their parents and their friends and they can even use it for fun (for example: for playing games). Owning a smartphone is not a problem itself, (<--A comma is needed between two independent clauses that are separated by a conjunction.) but it can turn into a problem if the children are using it for too many hours and avoiding studying, or if they are watching videos that are not indicated suitable for their ages. The parents need to be aware and verify their children's online activities.
We cannot avoid the reality that we are surrounded by technology, and the process to learn how to use it is essential to us as citizens. If the parents do not allow their children to have a smartphones, they are creating an alienated person people who is are not well prepared for the future. I strongly believe that, even in the schools, children should be investigated to learn further more about it. (<--I don't understand what you mean here.)
The internet can help us to be a better person people. We can read books online, talk to a person from another country, or we can take a tour through a museum. The use of technology is a reality that we cannot pretend that we are not seeing. Of course, we need to learn use it; otherwise, we will be substituted by them. We can learn maths (<--British English includes the "s" at the end; American English always says "math" with no "s.") and how to use a calculator.
Here you go, Rejane. Please feel free to ask me if you have any questions =)
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