玩雜耍 - Juggling!!
我終於有機會回去美國看我的家人了。台灣和美國田納西州之間的距離好遙遠。
有時候，我納悶如果人類演化發生在另一顆巨大的星球，比如木星，怎麼辦? 要是我跟我的家人住在星球的對面，之間的距離差不多35746公里，班機的行程從一邊到另一邊花大概36個小時。
如果考慮到在加油站以及臨時停留的時間，應該還(需)要再加上6個小時。所以從一端到另一端至少要花上兩天。飛機票大約要花費4000美元。即使我想回去，我也負擔不起! 當然，世界上也會有更多的語言。
我必須回台灣的前兩天，我決定把有些玩雜耍的舊道具拿出來，我跟我的家人去外面欣賞安靜的晴天以及享受彼此的陪伴。
其實我的爸爸（Daddeo,我叫他的名字）,是第一個引起我對變戲法有興趣的人。他對那種事相當的擅長，不過在這之前他從不曾把瓶子形狀的柱子玩雜耍！要順利地玩就得多練習，因為你旋轉的東西也需要一直仔細地注意。小心別讓它們砸到你的臉！
顯然那時候我媽媽（叫做Mumsy）拍攝了下來，所以我決定上傳到Youku.
我：
http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMjM0NzU0ODcy.html
我爸爸：
http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMjM0NzU1NDky.html
哦對了，回來台灣，我也帶來了我玩雜耍的東西，所以有時候我可以到公園去練習一下。 不幸的是，這些日子好像幾乎沒有空閒的時間。我目前在不斷地準備參加台灣中文的考試。那個日子快要到了！
HURRAY! I finally got to go home visit my family. The distance between us is vast. Sometimes I imagine how humanity would have developed if we’d all lived on Jupiter instead of the Earth. If my family and I were on opposite sides of the planet, the distance between us would be about 35746 kilometers, and a commercial airliner would take about 36 hours to get from one side to another. If you factor in the stops for refueling, and layover time, that would probably be another 6 hours at least. So it would take almost two days to get from one side to the other. And the flight ticket would cost about 4000 American dollars! Even if I wanted to go home, I wouldn’t be able to afford it. Of course, imagine how many more languages there would be!
Anyway, towards the last day, I got some of my old juggling equipment out, and my family and I went outside to enjoy the weather and play around. My dad is the person who first got me interested in juggling, he’s pretty good at it, but he’s never juggled pins before. They take some practice, because you suddenly have to worry about the rotation of the pins. You also have to worry about them smacking you in the face. I was pretty rusty, I used to juggle when I was a kid, but it’s been a long time since I tried.
-- Shaun, 尚恩
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교정 · 6
0
玩雜耍 - Juggling!!
我終於有機會回有時候，我納悶如果人類演化發生在另一顆巨大的星球，比如木星，怎麼辦? 要是我跟我的家人住在星球的對面，之間的距離差不多35746公里，班機的行程從一邊到另一邊花大概36個小時。
如果考慮到在加油站以及臨時停留的時間，應該還(需)要再加上6個小時。所以從一端到另一端至少要花上兩天。飛機票大約要花費4000美元。即使我想回去，我也負擔不起! 當然，世界上也會有更多的語言。
我必須回台灣的前兩天，我決定把有些玩雜耍的舊道具拿出來，我跟我的家人去外面欣賞安靜的晴天以及享受彼此的陪伴。
其實我的爸爸（Daddeo,我叫他的名字）,是第一個
顯然那時候我媽媽（叫做Mumsy）拍攝了下來，所以我決定上傳到Youku.
我：
http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMjM0NzU0ODcy.html
我爸爸：
http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMjM0NzU1NDky.html
哦對了，回來台灣，我也帶來了我玩雜耍的東西，所以有時候我可以到公園去練習一下。 不幸的是，這些日子好像幾乎沒有空閒的時間。我目前在不斷地準備參加台灣中文的考試。那個日子快要到了！
HURRAY! I finally got to go home visit my family. The distance between us is vast. Sometimes I imagine how humanity would have developed if we’d all lived on Jupiter instead of the Earth. If my family and I were on opposite sides of the planet, the distance between us would be about 35746 kilometers, and a commercial airliner would take about 36 hours to get from one side to another. If you factor in the stops for refueling, and layover time, that would probably be another 6 hours at least. So it would take almost two days to get from one side to the other. And the flight ticket would cost about 4000 American dollars! Even if I wanted to go home, I wouldn’t be able to afford it. Of course, imagine how many more languages there would be!
Anyway, towards the last day, I got some of my old juggling equipment out, and my family and I went outside to enjoy the weather and play around. My dad is the person who first got me interested in juggling, he’s pretty good at it, but he’s never juggled pins before. They take some practice, because you suddenly have to worry about the rotation of the pins. You also have to worry about them smacking you in the face. I was pretty rusty, I used to juggle when I was a kid, but it’s been a long time since I tried.
-- Shaun, 尚恩
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你的中文真棒，基本没错误。你的杂耍也很有意思~
0
非常不错的作文，加分点是西方人“擅长”的想象力以及一些已经非常娴熟的表达方式，比如“我跟我的家人去外面欣賞安靜的晴天以及享受彼此的陪伴”。不知道是不是您生活在台湾的原因，文字显得格外书面化。
严格说来，值得改进的有以下几个部分：
1、第三段末“當然，世界上也會有更多的語言。”与上文的衔接不够流畅。
因为这句实际上与“另一巨大星球”有直接关联而和与它相邻的内容“时间更久、机票更贵”没有因果关系。
2、“我必须回台湾的前两天”直接表述为“回台湾的前两天”就可以了。
3、“第一個引起我對變戲法有興趣的人”修正为“第一个引发我对变戏法兴趣的人”或者“第一个让我对变戏法有/产生兴趣的人”更好一些。
4、“他從不曾把瓶子形狀的柱子玩雜耍”我参照了一下你的英文表达，意思应该是“他从没玩过那些瓶子形状的东西”或是“他从没用那些瓶子形状的东西玩过杂耍”。
5、“要顺利地玩” 通常在“玩”这件事情上，我们不用“顺利”去形容；你只需要说“要玩得好”就可以了，或者你也可以说“要玩的顺手”
6、“不斷地準備”改作“一直在准备”更符合中文的习惯
希望对你有帮助：）
0
玩雜耍 - Juggling!!
我終於有機會回去美國看我的家人了。台灣和美國田納西州之間的距離好遙遠。有時候，我納悶如果人類演化到一定程度要定居在
如果考慮到在加油站以及臨時停留的時間，應該還(需)要再加上6個小時。所以從一端到另一端至少要花上兩天。飛機票大約要花費4000美元。即使我想回去，我也負擔不起!
我必須返回台灣的前兩天，我決定把有些玩雜耍的舊道具拿出來，在晴朗的好天气，我跟
其實我的爸爸（Daddeo,
最有趣的是
我：
http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMjM0NzU0ODcy.html
我爸爸：
http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMjM0NzU1NDky.html
哦對了，回來台灣，我也帶來了我玩雜耍的東西，所以有時候我可以到公園去練習一下。 不幸的是，這些日子好像幾乎沒有空閒的時間。我目前在不斷地準備
HURRAY! I finally got to go home visit my family. The distance between us is vast. Sometimes I imagine how humanity would have developed if we’d all lived on Jupiter instead of the Earth. If my family and I were on opposite sides of the planet, the distance between us would be about 35746 kilometers, and a commercial airliner would take about 36 hours to get from one side to another. If you factor in the stops for refueling, and layover time, that would probably be another 6 hours at least. So it would take almost two days to get from one side to the other. And the flight ticket would cost about 4000 American dollars! Even if I wanted to go home, I wouldn’t be able to afford it. Of course, imagine how many more languages there would be!
Anyway, towards the last day, I got some of my old juggling equipment out, and my family and I went outside to enjoy the weather and play around. My dad is the person who first got me interested in juggling, he’s pretty good at it, but he’s never juggled pins before. They take some practice, because you suddenly have to worry about the rotation of the pins. You also have to worry about them smacking you in the face. I was pretty rusty, I used to juggle when I was a kid, but it’s been a long time since I tried.
-- Shaun, 尚恩
You are good at playing them ,wonderful !
0
你的中文不错，语法造句可以说没有什么大问题了，继续努力！！！
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