Could anyone tell me if this sentence is perfect? I have taken the Aptitude Test, consisting of Data Analysis, Mathematics, and Logical Reasoning conducted by Korea's largest investment banking firm,

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Zhenya

Could anyone tell me if this sentence is perfect? I have taken the Aptitude Test, consisting of Data Analysis, Mathematics, and Logical Reasoning conducted by Korea's largest investment banking firm, XYZ. I want to know if the phase above is fine including punctuation, or there are other ways to rephrase it. Thank you and bless you.

2015년 5월 30일 오전 6:50

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I have taken the Aptitude Test, which consists of Data Analysis, Mathematics, and Logical Reasoning, conducted by Korea's largest investment banking firm, XYZ.

2015년 5월 30일

it is good but it can be made better as follows: I have taken the Aptitude Test, which consists of Data Analysis, Mathematics, and Logical Reasoning. It is conducted by XYZ,Korea's largest investment banking firm,

2015년 5월 30일

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