Maybe it is easier to correct this in that other section, for essays? There you have highlights & cross-outs. Getting a job first will have many advantages for you. Therefore, I strongly suggest getting a job is a better idea for you. On the job, you can gain practical experience, learn skills from your colleagues or experts, who are endless resources for you; earlier building great relationships in your network brings you a great opportunity to get noticed in your career. But finally, you may earn money from work and broaden your work at the same time without wasting time in textbooks. I remember you have great skills in software development and IT. Those are in are great demand. I assure you that you will get a good position with either an international enterprise or a local corporation. Thus is ok, but less common. strongly suggest - probably what you are looking for On the job, you can .... While working, you can ... By working, you can ... learn skills gain experience earlier building great relationships in your network brings <-- "s" it brings great opportunity to expose yourself in your career. - sorry not sure what you mean But at last --> But finally, or finally There are many ways to say things. I gave you just one way. Others may be able to offer better expressions.

Hi Peachey, I'm sorry for the title is not enough polite! Thank you for your suggestion, now the system is unable to update the title by me now. :)

Hi Salus, when we want someone's help in English, we make it a polite question: "Could you check this text for mistakes, please?" If you use imperatives, it sounds like a command, not a request. ;)