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Allison Delgado
HELP ME TO CHECK MY POEM!!
Hi! Well I have a homework for my literature English class is for tomorrow, but I'm not so good writing poems in English, honestly I love write poems or stories but I wrote in Spanish that is my mother tongue. please I need your help to check this poem that I wrote yesterday, the poem needs to have sense and use rhymes. I used the method The tercet: has three lines, 1 and 2 rhyme as do 4 and 5, 3 and 6.
my poem:
Your eyes are my sun
Your smile inspire me and I hear the sound of fun
You can't imagine how much I miss
I have feeling that you come back soon
We'll sit and watch the moon
While my heart screams desperate for lack of a kiss.
please help me to check it!! [emoji]
2018년 4월 27일 오후 10:05
답변 · 7
1
for grammar only.... inspire= inspires ; i miss =i miss you; i have = i have the; you come = you will come
2018년 4월 27일
Where is your poem?
2018년 4월 27일
Because of the rhyme scheme, I would group the first two and the last four lines together. I don't see any "tercet;" that is, I don't see any three lines that rhyme; your rhyme scheme is AABCCB.
It is difficult to "correct" poetry. Sometimes poets intentionally use nonstandard punctuation.
Your eyes are my sun.
Your smile inspires me, and I hear the sound of fun.
You can't imagine how much I miss
You. I have a feeling that you'll come back soon;
We'll sit and watch the moon,
While my heart screams, desperate, for lack of a kiss.
You have chosen not to use a fixed metrical pattern. You alternate short and long lines. This alternation is nice and gives a sense of pattern or structure. If you don't already know it, you might want to look at the poetry of Gerard Manley Hopkins and "sprung rhythm."
Your first line immediately calls to mind William Shakespeare's famous, and _very_ different poem, his sonnet, "My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun."
2018년 4월 27일
아직도 답을 찾지 못하셨나요?
질문을 남겨보세요. 원어민이 도움을 줄 수 있을 거예요!
Allison Delgado
언어 구사 능력
영어, 미국 수화(ASL), 스페인어
학습 언어
영어, 미국 수화(ASL)
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