(Please correct me)How do you feel about your progress to date?
After getting Bachelor of Science, I pursued my master’s degree in Social science, However, I also took twenty credits intellectual property law course and studied it like a duck to water, although I wasn’t a law school student.

The most important decision that I have ever made was I be an exchange student in mainland China for one semester.

I applied for exchange student plan and was received by XX university, during I studied in the Law school of XX University, I take part in “patent agent qualification examination” and passed the subject ”law part” with flying colours.

Though the exchange student experience, I think I made the right decision, I do like study law and make up my mind to stay here after seeing the thrive of mainland China.

After getting my first master degree, I prefer to go on for the second master degree. It’s of great importance because it determined what I will learn and partly determined where I will live for the rest of my life.

Studying for a master’s degree means I get well-educated in a certain area that could make me fully prepared for my future career, so I will do my best to do it.

Question

(Please correct me)How do you feel about your progress to date?
After getting Bachelor of Science, I pursued my master’s degree in Social science, However, I also took twenty credits intellectual property law course and studied it like a duck to water, although I wasn’t a law school student.

The most important decision that I have ever made was I be an exchange student in mainland China for one semester.

I applied for exchange student plan and was received by XX university, during I studied in the Law school of XX University, I take part in “patent agent qualification examination” and passed the subject ”law part” with flying colours.

Though the exchange student experience, I think I made the right decision, I do like study law and make up my mind to stay here after seeing the thrive of mainland China.

After getting my first master degree, I prefer to go on for the second master degree. It’s of great importance because it determined what I will learn and partly determined where I will live for the rest of my life.

Studying for a master’s degree means I get well-educated in a certain area that could make me fully prepared for my future career, so I will do my best to do it.

Answer

The biggest mechanical issue is comma splices. There is more than one in every paragraph. Remember, complete sentences need to end with a period.

The grammar is mostly okay, aside from some missing articles and prepositions, as well as some issues with complex sentences. Many of the clauses aren't quite formed correctly.

Finally, I'm not sure that it really answers the question that well. For example, the final sentence leaves several questions: "Studying for a master’s degree means I get well-educated in a certain area that could make me fully prepared for my future career, so I will do my best to do it."

What master's degree?
What area?
What future career?

Please contact me if you would like more thorough and detailed feedback.

Answer

Here are some suggestions for the first part. I've used square brackets [] to indicate where changes need to be made:

After getting [a] Bachelor of Science, I pursued my master’s degree in Social [S]cience, However, I also took twenty credits [in an] intellectual property law course and studied it [like a duck to water - too colloquial, consider revising], although I wasn’t a law school student.

The most important decision that I [deleted] ever made was [to] be an exchange student in mainland China for one semester.

I applied for [the] exchange student plan and was [accepted] by XX university[.] During the course[,] I studied in the Law [S]chool of XX University, [took] part in “patent agent qualification examination” and passed the subject ”law part” with flying colours.

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