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Mei
I went to Kiyosumi Garden in Tokyo with my friend on Saturday. It is a beautiful park with a lake and places where we can sit and eat. We bought sandwiches at a nearby sandwich shop and ate them in the park. They were very delicious, and I want to go there again. After that, we went to Shimokitazawa, which is famous for its vintage clothes. We bought a lot of cute winter clothes. At night, we had monja-yaki for dinner. From Sunday to Thursday, I work at my part-time job every day. It was a fun and busy week.

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1
I went to Kiyosumi Garden in Tokyo with my friend on Saturday. It is a beautiful park with a lake and places where we can sit and eat. We bought sandwiches at a nearby sandwich shop and ate them in the park. They were very delicious and I want to go there again. After that, we went to Shimokitazawa, which is famous for its vintage clothes. We bought a lot of cute winter clothes. At night, we had monja-yaki for dinner. From Sunday to Thursday I work at my part-time job every week. It was a fun but a busy week.
Not many correction from my point of view. I assist in teaching Junior high school English here in Japan, Ibaraki. I would be very happy if my students wrote something like this.
0
I went to Kiyosumi Garden in Tokyo with my friend on Saturday. It is a beautiful park with a lake and places where we can sit and eat. We bought sandwiches at a nearby sandwich shop and ate them in the park. They were very delicious, and I want to go there again. After that, we went to Shimokitazawa, which is famous for its vintage clothes. We bought a lot of cute winter clothes. At night, we had monja-yaki for dinner. From Sunday to Thursday, I work at my part-time job every day. It was a fun and busy week.

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