drive me crazy?? l'm damn crazy... my emotion is always changing.... l can forget anythings on the day......... but l am very easy to get lost in the night........... l do not have any family love..... and l am very afraid to be alone at night.... l always treat you are my the one............ am l yours too....?........ .....

ignore... l'm afraid there is no one at home....... l don't want to be alone......... l always to be neglected...... l'm really very very unhappy............... seems no one would care me...... or...... just let it go.....?

換一換語言.. 這次我想換一換語言... 始終英文不是強項,,很難表達心中所想.. 其實我的心一直充滿著害怕與擔憂... 我害怕的東西不知道可以跟誰說... 人愈大就是愈是害怕, 內心不時會很慌, 不知應該如何做, 就好像時間開始逼近, 接近, 就是愈怕失去所有, 我每天都好想大哭一場, 但我總是用其他東西來令自己不要想, 我不是自己一人的時候, 我真的可以不用去想, 可是當自己一人靜下來時, 我內心的慌亂又來了, 別人都說我很開心, 無壓力, 無憂無慮, 是嗎? 我自己也不肯定, 可能是, 我是很容易開心, 但同時, 我亦很容易自己陷入困境, 可能我害怕的是別人的回應, 我不知道對方會對我所說的, 或提問的會有什麼反應, 也不知該怎說, 你會怎樣想我? 我不知道, 也不敢亂猜 我的安全感,低之極低..... 我表面很剛強嗎? 可能只是掩飾我內在的不安感... ... 我真的..很怕失去所有。

l want to say many things.. l have many many things want to say........ l afraid all the things l spoke... l afraid your reaction.... l afraid what you think about me.. Everything l want to say and tell , but l'm afraid to telling about that Love , need action to prove it and need lots of communication. but seems l got nothing... do anyone care my feelings...?

upset l hate my family. l hate why l born from this family. l hate why always no one care my feelings. l won't care you if you won't care me.That's me. l know what l need to do, but all of that l am not willing to do that.. maybe l'm not mature, maybe l'm not in a position to do anything, there are many things obviously family need to do that. l want to upgrade myself...l want to be better me... By the way, who can talk and support me?......... no one can understand me.

happiness? Is it easy to be happy? In the past,l think that it would be.. but now? l don't think it's easy to be happy. who cares what you are thinking about? who can l talk to? can l be more mature? l really don't know........

Here's to holiday! Yeah!!! Here's to holiday~! ( but it is already started for two days :P ) Here is to Easter Holiday!~! Yeah~~~~~ Let's report where l went to this two days~ l went to Lavender Garden with bf yesterday~~ lt's really a very nice place~~~~~~ The Lavenders are all grown very high~ so beautiful~~! >3< The poor thing is that it's a rainy day today :( can't go anywhere ><........... hope l can see the sun in the coming days :)

28.Mar.2012 l'm really very tired today... just slept for around 5 hours yesterday because of the tummy not feeling well...=[ My tummy felt like burning fire....... can't slept well >< l don't want to get the enterogastritis again ......=[ HELP!!!>< This two weeks lover is very busy at work, and he slept late too.. he must be very tired...... what can l do? The only thing l can do is that l won't make any trouble for him. Besides, The asshole who are working in main-contractor company is really hateful!! We are sub-con, so what? that means you can bullied us?! We must finish your command immedately after received your call ?! And you hold up our document for some hours and ignore our request?! How stuck-up you are?!!? Haven't study and practice English for some weeks........ hope l'm not getting worse......

WEEKEND It is so upset that I have stopped to revise English for around a month since I got enterogastritis. I don't know why I do not have much energy to pick up the notes.... but I think I still remember to write the dairy is good... I have done a Ielts course almost one year, but it is still progressing...and not much more upgrade... many many things need to think seriously... I know I can't keep stop and do nothing.... I should think about my future... Should I choose the top up degree or the local U degree....? Should I choose account to study? I know I won't do account work in the future, but this is the reality? I really don't know what can I do now......... The reality is that I need to study account, but I don't want to be a accountant... This is my life?