陳紫瑜Ruth Chen
People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets, people cause their own illnesses and make health care more expensive for everyone. Lifestyle choices, like sleeping situations, eating ways, and exercise routines, can determine out health. For example, according to research, eating too much sugar or salt, drinking alcohol and smoking are likely to cause diseases. First, people should always be able to make their own decisions about their lifestyles. The government, then, should increase taxes on unhealthy products like candy, tobacco, wine, to help people know what is bad for them. When they buy unhealthy products, they will need to pay more tax. On one hand, this plan would decrease their desire to buy unhealthy products. On the other hand, the government can use that tax money to pay for health care. However, some unhealthy lifestyle choices are personal things, and can not be accounted for with taxes, like not sleeping enough, eating too much, or doing less exercise. It is hard for the government that all these things need to be counted in detail. Health care protects people when they are facing serious problems. So if people have the choice, when they buy something that is not good for their health, the government should add tax for national health care, the way many countries have a high smoking tax. Unhealthy people should have to pay more for health care by paying high taxes for unhealthy products. I think that is a good way to guide people.
5 de mar de 2021 7:13
Corrections · 4
People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets, people can cause their own illnesses and make health care more expensive for everyone. Lifestyle choices, like sleeping patterns, eating habits, and exercise routines, can determine out health. For example, according to research, eating too much sugar or salt, drinking alcohol and smoking are likely to cause diseases. (This is an example and should be in the body of the essay). First, people should always be able to make their own decisions about their lifestyles. The government, then, should increase taxes on unhealthy products like candy, tobacco and wine, to help people know what is bad for them. When they buy unhealthy products, they will need to pay more tax. On one hand, this plan would decrease their desire to buy unhealthy products. On the other hand, the government can use that tax money to pay for health care. However, some unhealthy lifestyle choices are personal things, and can not be accounted for with taxes, like not sleeping enough, eating too much, or doing less exercise. It is hard for the government to account for all these things in detail. In conclusion, health care protects people when they are facing serious problems. So if people have the choice, when they buy something that is not good for their health, the government should add tax to cover national health care, the way many countries have a high smoking tax. Unhealthy people should have to pay more for health care by paying high taxes for unhealthy products. I think that is a good way to guide people.
Well done. The English here is pretty good, not many errors, which is great. Your biggest problems here are layout and task achievement. Your paragraphs have the following number of words 53/78/43/72 = 246 (too short). This shows that the conclusion is too long and there is not enough in the body paragraphs. A good aim is 40/100/100/30. The third sentence of your introduction is an example, this should be in the main essay. You should give your opinion here. The second paragraph is fine, maybe you could try to find different ways to say 'unhealthy products'. The third paragraph is too short and doesn't really add anything to your argument that people should pay more if they are unhealthy. Always start your conclusion with 'In conclusion' or something similar. Your opinion needs to be clearer. The essay question asks whether unhealthy people should pay more for their health care. You address this through taxation but you don't actually say whether people should pay medical costs directly or if they should take out private health insurance. I see you are in Taiwan so you could do a one or two sentence summary to explain what happens there. For example, living in the UK I could say: In the UK we have the National Health Service which means that healthcare is generally free. The result of this is that there is no incentive for people to live healthily, so if people were required to pay for treatment directly related to diseases arising from poor diet choices they might change their eating habits. Hope this helps!
5 de mar de 2021 9:39
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陳紫瑜Ruth Chen
Language Skills
Chinese (Mandarin), Chinese (Hakka), Chinese (Taiwanese), English
Learning Language
English