Owais Kalyar
Was Life Before Technology Good? With the industrial revolution and scientific progress, everything has changed dramatically. Now, life is fast, selfish and brutal. Everyone has nothing to do with his neighbour's difficulties and needs. Additionally, the arrival of the internet and android phones has destroyed social life. Due to this, we are becoming physically and mentally weak. However, things were quite different before these messy inventions. People were heavily dependent on each other, and work collectively. There were physically and mentally agile because they used to do everything manually. Apart from this, the atmosphere was natural, healthy and pure, because there were no fossil fuel gasses in the atmosphere. Although life was slow and full of adventures, they still live a peaceful life as compared to 21st-century life.😊
Sep 30, 2021 6:22 PM
Corrections · 7
Was Life Before Technology Good? With the invention of the world wide web in the early millennium and the recent boom in adoption of smartphone, smart watches and other technological gadgets, everything has changed dramatically in how we live our lives nowadays. Life is moving at a more rapid pace than ever before and its negatively destroying our social life in the longer term. People are more concern about what they do in this virtual world and how they are being perceived by others online. Thus, this leads to people becoming more obsess on what they do on their devices than caring for others and building meaningful friendships with your neighbors and friends in the real world. However, things were quite different before the introduction of these messy inventions. People were generally more collective in nature, depending on one another for emotional support and to work together to get things done. They were more active physically and mentally as they used to do everything manually. Though life was slower without these technological inventions, people living in those days were still able to live a peaceful and wonderful life.
Personally I felt you were trying to squeeze in too much information into 1 paragraph. You introduce so much new ideas and points but I dont see much elaboration of each idea that you introduced in this short story. So are you focusing on technology innovation and its impact to the world or you are focusing on greenhouse gases and its environmental impact to the world? Or are you trying to compare the 20th to the 21st century life? There are too many points in just one short story. Do you get where I am coming from? The sentence on fossil fuel is very weird as its meaning does not join in properly in this paragraph. You need to explain how technology can lead to less natural and healthy atmosphere. If you cannot explain this properly, do not add the sentence inside as it will minus marks for your writing.
Oct 1, 2021 5:31 AM
Was Life Before Technology Good? With the industrial revolution and scientific progress, everything has changed dramatically. Now, life is fast, selfish and brutal. Everyone has nothing to do with his neighbour's difficulties and needs. Additionally, the arrival of the internet and android phones has destroyed social life. Due to this, we are becoming physically and mentally weak. However, things were quite different before these messy inventions. People were heavily dependent on each other, and worked together. They were physically and mentally agile because they used to do everything manually. Apart from this, the atmosphere was natural, healthy and pure, because there were no fossil fuel gasses in the atmosphere. Although life was slow and full of adventures, they still lived a peaceful life in comparison to 21st-century life.😊
Your text was excellent with very few mistakes! Pay attention to past tenses! Keep going, you're doing great!
Sep 30, 2021 6:28 PM
Was Life Before Technology Good? With the industrial revolution and scientific progress, everything has changed dramatically. Now life is fast, selfish and brutal. Everyone has nothing to do with their neighbour's difficulties and needs. Additionally, the introduction of the internet and android phones have destroyed social life. As a result, we are becoming weaker physically and mentally. However, things were quite different before these messy inventions came into our world. People were heavily dependent on each other and work together collectively. They were physically and mentally agile because they used to do everything manually. Apart from this, the atmosphere was healthy and pure as there were no fossil fuel gasses in the atmosphere. Though life was slower back in those days, they still managed to live a peaceful life as compared to the 21st-century life.😊
Oct 1, 2021 5:41 AM
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Owais Kalyar
Language Skills
English, French, Urdu
Learning Language
English