Valentina
Hello, please, could somebdy correct my essay on tourism?

Tourism around the globe
An essay on general trends in tourism


Contemporary tourism had changed a lot from the beginning in the 19th century. Nowadays tourists are bored by common ways of tourism, consequently there emerged some new trends in tourism. Formation of new ways of tourism is conditioned by development of new technologies, growing average age of population or changes in environment.


In the first place, thanks to development of new technologies there appeared a mass tourism. Aircraft and comfortable buses with air condition ease the transportation. It is also caused by laziness of tourists to arrange anything. Unfortunately this kind of tourism has negative impact on the environment.


In addition the age of tourists has a great effect on offers of travel agencies. Old people search for medical tourism. For example spa or wellness services and peace of countryside. Older generation has more free time, thus they can go on holiday even during the lower season. Moreover they are more demanding on services, especially health care. As a result, the offer of accommodation and services is changing.


On the other hand, young people usually prefer an alternative tourism. Their way of travelling is usually cheaper and less harmful to the environment. For instance it is wildlife tourism, adventure tourism or eco-tourism. Those tourists prefer close contact with nature. This way of tourism is very friendly to an environment. Visitors usually travel in a small group in order to decrease the negative impact on a destination.


As has been noted, there are many factors influencing trends in tourism. It depends on the visitors, destination, environment, new inventions and a lot more. We can only hope, that the development will continue in the direction of sustainable tourism.

 

Dec 7, 2015 9:48 PM
Comments · 2

Contemporary tourism has changed a lot from its beginnings in the 19th century. Nowadays, tourists are bored by the traditional approach to tourism. (new sentence) Consequently, new trends in tourism have emerged. The formation of new ways of tourism is predicated on the development of new technologies, a growing average age of population or changes in environment.
Firstly, thanks to development of new technologies, mass tourism has appeared (or "has emerged"). Aircraft and comfortable buses with air condition make tourist transportation more comfortable. It is also caused by laziness of tourists to arrange anything. Unfortunately, this kind of tourism has a negative impact on the environment.
In addition the age of tourists has a great effect on offers of travel agencies. Older people search for medical tourism such as a spa or wellness services and a peaceful countryside. Older generations have more free time; thus, they can go on holiday even during the lower season. Moreover, they are more demanding on having services, especially health care. As a result, offers of accommodation and types of services are changing.
On the other hand, young people usually prefer an alternative style of tourism. Their way of travelling is usually cheaper and less harmful to the environment. For example, they prefer wildlife tourism, adventure tourism or eco-tourism. Those tourists prefer close contact with nature. This type of tourism is very friendly to an (the) ("an environment" refers to one specific environment. "the environment" is more general) environment. Visitors usually travel in a small group in order to decrease the negative impact on a destination.
As noted, there are many factors influencing trends in tourism. These newer trends are dependent on the visitors, destination, environment, new inventions and a lot more. We can only hope, that the development of new trends will continue in the direction of sustainable tourism.

December 8, 2015

My personal comment:

I enjoyed reading your essay. Overall, I think you have a strong knowledge base of vocabulary and expressions. There are some details, of course, that only come with practice. Some sentences require a different approach to convey the message. Ie. "Moreover, they are more demanding on services, especially health care" can be reconstructed to "Moreover, older age adults demand the availability of more services, particularly in healthcare."

December 8, 2015