Hey Robin,
I can't go through your text word for word, as I normally get paid to do this, and I don't want to have to charge you for my comments. Haha.
That being said, I would like to offer a little advice to improve the readability of your homework:
- You can try to break up your long sentences into shorter ones, especially for the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs.
- In the 1st paragraph, you can either say "talks about..." and leave the rest as is, or use "states that..." which would mean you have to change the structure of the rest of the sentence.
- Before you launch into "the husband" in the 2nd paragraph, you can try to give a background first as to how he and "the mother" (I'm assuming that is the wife) and the doctor and the baby came into the picture. You could say, "In the case of a husband and wife faced with a choice between..."
- In the last paragraph when you go from "husband" and "wife" to "agents," you can make the transition clearer, by saying something like, "Considering the accountability of the agents, which in this situation would be the husband and the wife (?)..." I'm not sure if they are the agents but you know what I mean.
I hope this helps :)
Hi Robin.
Since I don’t know anything about “the principle of double effect” this is a difficult text for me to suggest corrections for, but I noticed a couple of things that I would have done differently (I do not claim infallibility - what I have written is just what I think):
“The principle of double effect states about the permissibility of”. You have to specify what is being stated (in this context "state" needs an object). You could perhaps instead write:
“The principle of double effect makes statements about/regards/concerns/deals with/treats the permissibility of …”
“with a foreseen serious harm”: You are sure you mean “foreseen”, right? “Foreseen” means “expected/predicted/anticipated”. Otherwise you should use “potential/possible”.
“which action the husband should take”: “take an action” sounds strange to me. I would say “choose an action”
“The husband is faced with two possible options given by their doctor: firstly, they can choose to follow the doctor’s...” Who are “their” and “they”? I can guess it from what follows, but it’s not clearly stated.
“it could fatally injure the baby resulting to death or”: resulting in death
“rather than risking the chance of saving their lives.”: You don’t “risk a chance”. I would instead write:”...of my child rather than risking not being able to save their lives.”
“influenced by the risks inherent to the options to be made.”: I would write “inherent in”
“options to be made” sounds strange to me. Seems to me you will have to rephrase the sentence.
“Simply saying”: I would write “”simply put”.