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Could someone please check my cover (in english) ?

Hi everyone, I'm Lucas from France.

I currently work in Paris and i'd like to work abroad soon. I'd like to apply to a job offer in Singapour, would someone be avaliable to check one of my work cover letter? I'd be glad to help if you need help in french in exchange.

Here's my cover letter. Thanks a lot for your help :

Dear Sir or Madam,

Currently working at [Société] as an [Poste], I am taking the opportunity to contact you as I am highly interested in a the VIE position in the [Nom] department.

Graduated from a Master's degree at [Ecole] in july 2015, I have a two years apprentiship experience at [Société], as a bank's corporate customers analyst and as a firms credit analyst, which helped me understand the banking mechanisms.
My current experience as an [Poste] at [Société] gives me opportunity to develop my analytical mind and deepen my comprehension of the mecanism of the banking system. Furthermore, this experience enables me to to apprehend the audit methodology, as well in the management of the interviews and the investigations, as in the writing of the audit reports.

Armed with this experience, I'm willing to pursuie my evolution in the challenging environment of [Société], by evolving in an international environment.
I would like to have the opportunity to discuss with you more in detail about this VIE position. Please feel free to contact me at your convenience to discuss about this position.

Best regards,

Aug 21, 2016 10:11 AM
Comments · 2
Hello, Lucas. I would be happy to check it, but that is quite difficult to do as discussions can not be corrected. I suggest that you submit your cover letter as a journal entry here on iTalki so that we can utilize the correction feature. Also, please explain your intention with the brackets because I'm not sure why you put them there: [Ecole]. Good luck with the job! 
August 21, 2016

Hello Zachary, thanks for your answer and thanks for your advice, I didn't know the journal existed. I just posted it on it!

Concerning the brackets, sorry I forgot to translate them here, but I use them not to write in public all informations about my school and names of firms where i work.

Thanks for your help, see you!

August 21, 2016
Language Skills
English, French, German
Learning Language
English, German