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ielts writing task1: line graph

The graph compared the proportion of American and Japanese who was unemployed over a period of 6 years

It is obvious that the unemployed in America dropped out dramatically, while the figures of people who did not have jobs in Japanese increased.

On march 1993, 7% of American did not have jobs which was fairly three times higher than Japan with around 2, the middle of the period, the percentage of unemployed in two countries changed significantly. In the United States, the number of people having job fell to around 5%. By contrast, the Japanese saw a rise of the unemployed, at around 4%

The proportion of unemployed Americans declined gradually over the next 3 years, reaching just 5% at the end of the period. Conversely, the figures of Japanese who did not have job rose suddenly by 1%. Interestingly, the unemployment proportion of both countries was nearly the same in the end of the period.

Aug 24, 2016 9:52 AM
Comments · 2

Hi Flowee,

If you wrote these activities in the NOTEBOOKS section you would get more corrections. The Notebooks is the section of the website addressed to correcting texts and being correct.

August 24, 2016

These are just a part of the needed correction:

The graph compared...

The line graph compares...

On march 1993, ...

In March 1993, ...

In paragraph 3 >> Rephrase  'have jobs'.  You have used it several times. 

August 24, 2016
Language Skills
English, Vietnamese
Learning Language