Mohammadreza
How to move on from a bad expreience?

Hi everyone! Hope you are great! ;)

In this discussion, I want to talk less and read your comments more. I know it seems odd to those who know me that I don't want to talk much! :D ;)

How do you usually move on from a bad experience? Do you think this "moving on thing" is a must and can be applied to all cases, no matter how terrible the experience was? 







Apr 9, 2017 11:44 AM
Comments · 21

The problem with the idea of ¨moving on¨ as expressed by some people is that many people interpret that as needing to try to stop thinking about the event.   For minor disturbing events, a few nights sleep and talking to a few people about it might be enough.  

However, for a real trauma, the memories are laid down differently in the brain (more in the deep limbic system and less in the cortex.)  People can develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD.)   In the case of PTSD, one of the symptoms is trying to avoid memories and triggers of the events, and this actually impedes the healing when people just try so hard to move on.  

So yes, I think the moving on process needs to be different depending on how traumatic the events were.  Part of what makes things traumatic is not just the event, but how much support you had during the event and how much permission you continue to have to express it to supportive people.

There are many ways to move on, but for major events we have to mentally process them, in a similar way that food has to be digested and broken down--- it doesn´t just move through the system.  Most people need to talk about what happened, or at least acknowledge it internally by writing about, dreaming about it, creating things from it.

I am afraid your question is too general to give good specific techniques, other than to say ¨just moving on¨ is not necessarily possible and often slows down the process if you try to force yourself to do so without acknowledging how seriously difficult it is and how it changed your view of the world and of yourself. 

April 9, 2017
i think it's different for different people , the way i choosen when i had the most difficult problem in my life was to face by myself (with my family), it was a terrible time , but i knew i must move on , so i tried to forget the bad memories , i traveled ,i read books ,and acknowledged new friends ,. good luck to you !
April 10, 2017
"Forgive" and "forget" are the two important things that help you get out of the mess or a bad experience! It is fine to forget the bad experience but we should not forget the lesson it teaches us because that may help us tackling with that kind of experience further in our life. 
April 9, 2017

It depends on how bad your experience was, <a href="https://www.italki.com/user/980053" class="">Mohammadreza</a>. I afraid, you have to provide us with more details.

Just joking.

April 9, 2017
I think it's important to always give yourself time to feel whatever emotion first comes up from the bad experience. If the experience makes you sad, then it's ok to be sad and cry for a while. Sometimes it's easier to push down or subdue your emotions in order to get through the bad experience, but sooner or later you need to take the time to process your emotions. Once you've done this you can go about the situation in a more logical and rational way.  
April 12, 2017
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