Kevin Schwarzinger
Please help me with this scented structure

Hi guys, 


I have a question, would a native speaker express the following sentence like that?:



"My name is Kevin Schwarzinger, and I am a 24 years old investment banking intern. I used to be a chimney sweeper for a living but made a career change into the finance industry earlier this year. I am a highly motivated person who discovered his passion for finance and is eager to provide the best possible service I am capable of to your dedicated team." 


I would be very grateful if somebody could help me thank you very much in advance!

Best, 

Kevin
Apr 21, 2017 10:42 PM
Comments · 3

Hi Kevin

Your English expression itself  is great but the content sounds a little strange to me as a native speaker. Is there still a job title called chimney sweep? And going from  an 18th century occupation to investment banker sounds funny to me as a native speaker . No offense intended but I hope you can see what I mean.

April 21, 2017

Thank you very much, guys! 


And yes chimney sweeper is still a very common job in Austria :) I know the career change sounds a little bit weird but like I said I found my passion for finance :D 



April 22, 2017

It all sounds normal to me. Well-written and natural.

Yes, people still clean chimneys!

April 22, 2017