The general tone and pronunciation was quite good, though a few words needed attention: the, asks, leaves, thoughts, tear (there are two different pronunciations; you needed the other one), and heart.
Before I go on, here are a couple of tips for next time:
- Make a shorter recording. You're likely to make any typical mistakes in the first 30 seconds, so there's no need to have your recording longer than a minute.
- Include the text. I realise you've taken the dialogue parts from The Notebook, but it was a bit difficult to follow simply because you skipped parts in between.
If you're re-enacting a dialogue, then make it sound like a dialogue. The intonation was very neutral and this made the conversation between the two characters seem uninteresting. Don't be afraid of adding "color" when you speak.
Some of the phrases could be connected together instead of being separate words, but this was not a major issue.