I would be happy to help - we would review your lyrics and make pronunciation notes, making sure that the lyrics are grammatically and musically correct (it takes a pretty advanced understanding of pronunciation in order to form perfect or slant rhymes).
I can even help with your re-recording as I'm quite familiar with Adobe Audition.
All the best,
Speaking as a fellow recording musician, it was very difficult to understand the words you were singing. The music overpowered the vocals, and I think the pronunciation was not clear enough to recognize the words. The effects on the vocals (echo/reverb) made it even muddier.
If you want to post a more useful version for feedback, try singing or speaking the lyrics without any backing music. You can simply use vocaroo.com and sing/speak straight into your computer microphone.
If you include the lyrics as text, that will help us too.
I hope this advice is helpful.
It would be very helpful for me to receive someone's AUDIO review of the same poem to hear my mistakes.
Have a great day further!
Thanks Juliette, I didn't know there were lyrics written below the video. :)
The first issue is that the melody you've chosen doesn't fit the natural rhythmic pattern of the poem. Sorry to tell you this - I don't want to make this a musical critique. The result is that you're rushing through syllablles when you really shouldn't, and it no longer sounds like natural English speech (or song). In some places you are slurring and mumbling when no speaker would ever do this. Make sure you end words properly and clearly, as you often cut the last consonant.
There are a lot of pronunciation issues you need to focus on, and these are typical issues if you come from a Russian-speaking background. V sounds need to be clear and definite, as I often hear you make a W sound instead. TH is another major issue, as it's sounding too much like S or Z: thoughts sounded like "soughts". The end of since needs an S sound, not a Z sound.
You also need to make a decision on how to pronounce your R, as it's coming across very heavily and that makes the words sound much less "native". There are quite a few options for pronouncing R in English, but you just need to make one decision.
Sorry if this comes across as harsh, especially after the effort you've put into this piece of music. I've dealt with the same issues when singing in other languages, and as a priority you need to speak the words clearly and naturally before you even think of singing them. As I suggested earlier, just record yourself speaking the lyrics clearly, without music. "Walk before you try to run."
Good Day Peachey,
Thanks a lot for your comment!