Community Web Version Now Available
Antonio
Why if you’re kind you might be stupid?

I should make it clear.
I had met one girl before yesterday whom I have never seen at work before. She seemed to me very cute and nice. But yesterday I found out that she had been amerced by a chief for something she didn’t do. She took the blame even when she shouldn’t. I just heard what my colleagues told about her, that: “She has too tender heart, and that’s why she has been used here. It's stupid. She must be more aggressive and be able to argue”

Too kind... Must be more aggressive… Is this her guilt? When people say something like that I just want to ask them: “What’s wrong with you people?!”. I understand that a lot of people don’t appreciate this quality, but do they really consider that it’s impossible to make through a life if you have something what’s called a kindness? I can’t figure it out.

I just remember as my mom had a similar situation at her last job. My mother is such kind of person which attracts people wherever she is. But a direction unfortunately didn’t value this quality.
And I’m just thinking how many people who have the quality can’t get through this cruel world, where everyone thinks about himself totally?

Yesterday after work I had come to the girl, I wanted to talk and support her a little bit. I had found she tries to keep that job just because she can’t find an another one. So she suffers because she doesn’t have the another way. I have been convinced that she is pretty kind indeed. She has a quality that the most of us can't afford at this reality. This is too sorrowful in my opinion.

I’m really admired of her endurance and courage. Because there is not a lot of people who can be patient at such conditions, especially when there is even less of people who appreciate it.

I don’t know why I’ve created this discussion. I just had to say something on this subject that I couldn’t keep inside.

P.S.: I’m sure there are mistakes in the note, so please, correct it if you can. Thanks.

19 mars 2018 06:37
12
4
Comments · 12
I am sorry but I do not understand your point. If I understand you correctly then this girl was not being kind, she was being manipulated or being used as a scapegoat. (A person used to shift the blame from the guilty party.) Being kind means doing something nice for someone, giving them your raincoat, offering a lift, and is not stupid. Without understanding the circumstances you speak of I can only guess at the possible issues. The fact that she is still working is a good sign that perhaps she was told off, perhaps given a warning and so as long as she behaves it will probably all blow over. (Will be forgotten.) What you are doing 'I wanted to talk and support her a little bit,' that is kind and I hope that you will continue to be kind so her time in disfavour with her employers will not be endured alone. You are a good person and it seems to me that you see something good in her.
19 mars 2018
I think I understand the situation and I think that perhaps this girl is quite sensible. I mean there is no point starting a fight you have no chance in winning. If she stood up for herself then would it have achieved anything, would her boss respect her, or would her working environment become more hostile. Unfortunately there exist in the world people who are unlikable, unfair, and ignorant. She said that she has no other job to go to so more than likely she is protecting her income, which is something many of us can relate to.
21 mars 2018

Antonio said: "I meant that this girl was too kind to argue with anyone."

That's called lack of assertiveness and probably lack of confidence. Not kindness.

But it's hard to say why she's this way. Maybe she was abused at some point in her life. Maybe it's just the way she is put together. She's going to have a tough life being a door mat. I pity her.

19 mars 2018

That's a good quality being kind but people need to be smart along with being kind.
In this case maybe she has a good reason for what she did. If she does, it's acceptable that she did such a thing. But if she did it because of a not very smart reason then she needs to act smarter. Especially girls! There are lots of men that can hurt her just because she is kind. Girls need to have skills to live or work outside. They should learn to take care of themselves and not to show their vulnerabilities to anyone.
She has a heart of gold indeed but she needs to give herself a break and learn to protect herself. You know like what they say, be kind to yourself and then you will be able to be kind to others.

But if I were you I would praise her and ask her why she did it. If it wasn't a good reason, I would praise her first and then tell her she should care about herself too. But in a way that she doesn't get embarrassed or upset.
And you are a good person too.  you supporting her is amazing. World needs people like that:)))

19 mars 2018
I prefer when people are assertive, ie when they make a conscious decision to be kind enough not to hit you even if you deserve it, but at the same time are strong enough and have enough self-respect to stand up to those (ab)use them. Being meek is not my idea of kindness and I wouldn't encourage anyone to develop this quality.
19 mars 2018
Show More
Antonio
Language Skills
English, Italian, Polish, Russian, Ukrainian
Learning Language
Italian