Community Web Version Now Available
Natalia St-Va
What do you expect from your friends?

Hello,

Continuing my favourite topic: cross -cultural similarities and differences:) Training English as well:)



I wonder if such factors as cultural backgrounds or nationalities influence our friendship. What do you think?

 

I’m Russian and would say that it’s great but might be challenging to be someone's best friend here (in terms of expectations). 

“I’ll be there for you” are not just the words for Russians. It means, you can call and come to your friends literally any time for talking about your emotional state, having a drink together or getting any kind of help. However, the flip side of the coin is possible jealous or even offense if you refuse any request of your friends. Seriously though, even Russian hospitality might lead to arguments. I’ve recently faced such situation when my husband and me stayed at one friends’ house, other were very offended because of our choice, though we thought about their convenience. 

 

What are your expectations of your friends? 

What are you ready for your friends?  

If you friends are not right, will you take their sides anyway or not?

 

Thank you 

Mar 19, 2018 11:32 AM
30
5
Comments · 30

@Grzybek

You're like Groucho Marx, who said: I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.


March 19, 2018

It first depends on the definition of "friends". "Italki friends" or "Facebook friends" are not necessarily what I call "real friends" but rather "acquaintances". My italki friend list doesn't reflect how close I'm with other users. With some users on my friend list, I have hardly any contact. Others with whom I daily exchange messages don't appear on my list. The other day a guy really got pissed off at me because I wouldn't add him as Facebook friend, but I was only helping him with German. I didn't have any special "friend" feelings for him and as a German I choose my friends carefully. I have a lot of acquaintances here on italki with whom I'm on very good terms. We help each other and chat from time to time. And even when I don't see the other person as a "real" friend, I often go out of my way to help. But it makes me feel uncomfortable sometimes. I mean, when I'm really not interested in that person.

But I did find some real friends here. Very few people. Haven't met any of them yet in person. But they're as real for me as friends that I have met in person. Their joy is my joy, their sorrow is my sorrow. Once I regard someone as "real friend", I'm super loyal and would do almost everything for this person without thinking twice. 

So in short: It's not easy to make friends with Germans. But if a German is your real friend, you've got a friend for life. I'd never say: "Stay at my house, when you're in Germany!", if I didn't mean it. Not many people will hear this sentence from me. 

Which leads me to the question: How do this online friendships develop? Why do I instantly like some users and find others annoying? It doesn't matter to me, how the other users look like, how old they are, where they're from, what languages they learn, what their political views are. I find some people interesting and others not, but I couldn't explain why. It's just a feeling.  


March 19, 2018

I think this one is universal, not just my particular preference, however, it's possible that it's more common in more individual-oriented cultures. I would expect my friends to be emotionally mature. This is, of course, why I don't have real friends - because as an immature person I attract only immature people. And why would I hang out with them, right? They're immature adults, for God's sake. Can you get any lower than that? So that's a stalemate for me.

March 19, 2018

Thank you, Guyomar.

You reminded me my best friend who I know since I was at school. She lives in Austria now.Though we don't have a lot of similar interests (maybe because she lives in Austria now), I still consider her as my best friend.

We are the same age but she teaches me a lot from the time we both were teenagers. She always tell me the truth. Oh my God, how painful it was when I was younger. Sometimes it took me a lot of time to accept what she said ( at the end I always accepted her words) but her influnce on me was really good.

I think telling the truth, it's a part ot Russian friendship. (However, many can be offended and even stop relationships)_. 

What about you personally and in general for people Mauritius? 


March 19, 2018

Thanks, Miriam . Interesting. I was sure Russians can drive Germans insane, and perhaps they are, at least in regard of being non-punctual. Also, I was sure that Russian loyalty to their best friends is a kind of exceptional.  (and demanding at the same time).

Do you except that your friends will be equally loyal to you? Do you think your attitude to friends is common for Germans?

I wonder if Russians have similarities with others Slavs in this issue and how different we are with Eastern countries. 

Maybe I’m wrong but Australians seem to have less expectations than Russians. Moreover, they likely to support any underdog than their  own friends. This is their way of living. However, for most Russians it would be considered as betrayal

I’m trying to make my questions clearer. 





March 19, 2018
Show More
Natalia St-Va
Language Skills
English, Russian
Learning Language
English