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Choiby
Essay proofreading

Below is part of my Toefl essay. Can someone comment on it? Any kind of feedback are welcomed.


Among the two choices given, I would prefer City Summer(CS) over Round Lake Camp(RLC) for the summer program.

The Wangs', first consideration is whether the summer program offers various activities that their child is not able to enjoy from one's school. Both summer programs seems like they include diverse activities, but there is a large difference between them. According to the conditions given, CS program includes not only the activities, but also presentation of student's work which is not included in RLC. The fact that various activities and classes are given does not necessarily mean that students are fully experiencing those activities. But since the presentation will be given,the Wangs will be able to check if their child is really participating and enjoying the activities offered if they choose CS program.

Mar 25, 2018 11:29 AM
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Choiby
Language Skills
English, Korean
Learning Language
English