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Natalia St-Va
Are there any cases when you think it's ok to offend someone?

Hello, 


I'm rather polite and thoughtful person who is against arguments and any rudeness.

However, I recently offended a person who actually might have deserved it somehow as many time  tested me to my core. 

Feel not good because of my reaction. Besides being against rudeness, I believe that people I meet reflect my own issues somehow and thus, they unconsciously act as my teachers. Another reason, such situations might be a test of my integrity and moral principles. 

Do you think there are cases when we have the right to be rude in order to protect ourselves or just have excuses being emotional as a result of a long negative situation with a certain person?


Thank you 

Apr 16, 2018 2:58 AM
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Comments · 34
I've just noticed that I apparently have three (metaphorical) hands. Go figure :)
April 16, 2018


April 16, 2018

The older I get the less need I see of confronting others over minor matters. And believe me, as you get older lots and lots of things that were formerly important matters no longer are.

Which is a long way of saying just ignore them and redirect your thoughts. It gets easier to do with practice.

April 16, 2018

I would add something a bit out of topic. 

There are so many members were blocked/suspended here by italki because of complanings.

I just wonder why people just not blocking users they don't like and resstrict communication like this?! Then you have a chance to reconsider your opinion as I did. Or not which is also ok.

We have such huge distinctive features as people from different backgrounds and cultures, can we be less sensitive please and ask each other extra questions?

Moreover, I rememeber my own situation with Aliph when one word had different meaning in English. 

April 16, 2018
Maybe it would be useful for someone.
I was meeting with a psycholigist today who I had been waiting for a few months.  Our meeting had no connection with my thread today but in fact all issues are connected as they  are divided into groups and can form  patterns. 
What did I expect?! Perhaps some witchcraft because it's really hard for me to form the trustful relationships in terms of a doctor-a patient (  it's not the same in my private life).However, she is one of the best specialists in St Pete and my best friend, who is psychologist himself, recommended her.  So, I was ready to consider her opinion.  The interesting thing she said (maybe it was only mine discovery:)  was that aggression can be constructive. Basically, when we refuse to do somethinh it's aggression as well and might be considered as an offensive behaviour.  

In my case, I always feel guilty (unconsiously) if I was angry or acted aggressively (rely on my view); 
and as a result, I try to find the way to be a friend, to be nice/helpful/supportive etc for this person. So, it's basically what Guymar said (= too much worries) but it acts as the pattern.
I'm strong (not a fact in fact:), so I have to defend/help those who are weaker (in my opinion), I have no rights for aggression even for constructive one. It has come from my childhood when at age of 9 I started to defend some people physically and support  others  financially (I always had enough financial means at that time). 

As I'm only at the beginning of the process, it's still mysterious thing how I choose people I defend/help but  she said that psycologically "aggression turns to love" very often.   The goal is to broke this pattern. 
April 16, 2018
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Natalia St-Va
Language Skills
English, Russian
Learning Language
English