Why do people always talk indirectly? Why can't they just talk directly?

In my life, in many cases, people always talk indirectly. For example,  a friend was chatting with me. Then she wanted to talk to others or may do sth else. She told me she was going to sleep. Then I found out she was chatting with others. I was wondering why she did not tell me directly she was going to do sth else. It was not a big deal. But she chose to not tell directly. It was just an example.

How do you think of it? Do you like to talk indirectly or directly? 

2019年3月26日 08:38
Comments · 7

Hi Wendy.  This kind of activity is something akin to what is known as a "white lie."  It's a lie that is told in order to not hurt your feelings.  They are worried that if they say they are going to stop talking to you and start talking to someone else, you will feel rejected or hurt.  If you are a person who would not feel hurt or rejected by this, tell your friend that she can be honest with you about that kind of thing, and that she doesn't have worry that you will be offended.  If you are going to tell someone to be honest with you, though, be prepared for them to be honest with you, and remember that you asked for it! 

Personally, I always prefer to be very truthful and open with the people I am close to.  There is less confusion and uncertainty that way.  Best of luck to you!


Hi Wendy,<o:p></o:p>

Your question is very interesting. There could be a possibility that your friend could have changed her mind on her way to go to sleep. It happens to me too. I may say ‘I am going to do some reading’ but later I remember I had to finish something or answer someone’s message or call. In any case, I believe one should always be truthful especially to those who care for you.

With best wishes, John

I think some people are afraid to hurt others by saying directly. Your friend is probably that kind of person. I have a friend who is unable to say no to anyone. She has many problems because of this. I've seen her commit to doing something with several people at the same time, just because she can't say no. She is not a bad person. She just does not want anyone to get mad at her. Even with me, she never says no directly. Despite this, I consider her a good friend.
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