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Wendy
Why do people always talk indirectly? Why can't they just talk directly?

In my life, in many cases, people always talk indirectly. For example,  a friend was chatting with me. Then she wanted to talk to others or may do sth else. She told me she was going to sleep. Then I found out she was chatting with others. I was wondering why she did not tell me directly she was going to do sth else. It was not a big deal. But she chose to not tell directly. It was just an example.

How do you think of it? Do you like to talk indirectly or directly? 

Mar 26, 2019 8:38 AM
Comments · 7

Hi Wendy.  This kind of activity is something akin to what is known as a "white lie."  It's a lie that is told in order to not hurt your feelings.  They are worried that if they say they are going to stop talking to you and start talking to someone else, you will feel rejected or hurt.  If you are a person who would not feel hurt or rejected by this, tell your friend that she can be honest with you about that kind of thing, and that she doesn't have worry that you will be offended.  If you are going to tell someone to be honest with you, though, be prepared for them to be honest with you, and remember that you asked for it! 

Personally, I always prefer to be very truthful and open with the people I am close to.  There is less confusion and uncertainty that way.  Best of luck to you!

March 26, 2019

Hi Wendy,

Your question is very interesting. There could be a possibility that your friend could have changed her mind on her way to go to sleep. It happens to me too. I may say ‘I am going to do some reading’ but later I remember I had to finish something or answer someone’s message or call. In any case, I believe one should always be truthful especially to those who care for you.

With best wishes, John


March 26, 2019
I think some people are afraid to hurt others by saying directly. Your friend is probably that kind of person. I have a friend who is unable to say no to anyone. She has many problems because of this. I've seen her commit to doing something with several people at the same time, just because she can't say no. She is not a bad person. She just does not want anyone to get mad at her. Even with me, she never says no directly. Despite this, I consider her a good friend.
March 26, 2019

Hi John


Thanks so much for the reply and your idea. It might the case u are talking about.I guess it might be my problem to think too much about it.

My friend might mean that when she was saying it. And then changed her mind. Really appreciate your idea.

March 26, 2019

Hi Wendy!

I agree with Richard. If you tell your friends to be 100% honest with you, 1. be ready to this honesty - some people today mistake honesty for rudeness and ignorance, 2. be ready to be honest with them in return.

I fully support your point of view. I believe it's always better (not easier though, especially in the beginning) to say what you really want and think. But if some people prefer "a roundabout way", it's their choice anyway.

March 26, 2019
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Wendy
Language Skills
Chinese (Mandarin), Chinese (Other), English, Spanish
Learning Language
English