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Nobu
What is kindness?

Some women or all women maybe feel happy if I opened the door for them, but I wouldn't. Because they can do that themselves usually.

I would open the door if the people in front ot it had difficulty, for example, the one was injured, was holding something and didn't seem to have enough power to open it, even if the people were the young or the old or women or men.

In my thought, there is no sexual difference about it. My kindness is to the week.

Is that acceptable for you?


May 7, 2019 9:14 AM
Comments · 33

Well, it's your decision but I open the door to others no matter if they are men or women, strong or weak. How do you even know, if someone is strong or weak? Not all disabilities are openly visible. Or a woman that is newly pregnant looks normal and healthy but in fact she shouldn't lift heavy things anymore.

I think it's just a sign of good manners. Here in Germany, people are happy if you show some kindness.

I remember that I once travelled in Japan with a very heavy suitcase and I could hardly find any lifts or escalators, so I had to carry it up the stairs all on my own. The only person who helped me at her own will was an elderly cleaning lady. In the end, I couldn't take it anymore and stopped a man and asked him for help. He looked shocked but couldn't refuse, so he helped me carry up the suitcase for the last stairs. I'm an amputee and only have one hand. I'm not weak though. Of course, I can open doors myself and I can lift heavy stuff but sometimes it's just nice to get help. So, I wouldn't judge other people if they are weak enough to "deserve" my help. 

May 7, 2019
For me it's simple. It's when you do a favor to someone without hesitation and not expecting something in return. Regardless of all the conditions.   
May 7, 2019

@Nobu

You usually open the door yourself in Japan. Also, I talked about the case you looked at the people who seemed to have difficultiy to do something.

Yes, I heard that in Japan you prefer not to receive help by others because that would mean that you owe them. So, in Japan it's ok not to open doors for others. In other countries it's different. In Germany, it's just basic politeness to help others. And it doesn't matter if it's men or women. You also help people even if they would be able to handle the situation himself. Let's say someone accidentally drops some coins. I help the other person to collect them no matter if it's a man or woman, young or old, disabled or able-bodied. And also what I wanted to say is that you don't always see if people need help. So, yeah, I'm against judging people like "oh, I'm sure they can do it themselves" and "oh, they look helpless, I better do something".

About the case in Japan, why did you ask someone, "Excuse me? Could you help me to carry the suitcase? It's too heavy."?

Why I asked? Because it was too heavy and I couldn't take it anymore. What should I have done without asking? It took me a lot of courage to finally ask and it was only for the last stairs. In Germany I'm used to people helping without having to ask them. I knew that in Japan people wouldn't like to be asked but I have no idea how I could have solved the problem otherwise. Are you suggesting that it was inappropriate of me to ask?

May 7, 2019
And in case, your question only refers to opening doors for others: even a young man that appears strong or healthy at first sight can have a disability that could make it difficult for him to open doors. By being polite and showing respect to everyone, no matter if they're men or women, disabled or able-bodied, you treat people equally. If you'd open the door for me, just because I'm disabled (and you intentionally wouldn't hold the doors for others), I'd feel a little offended because I'd feel that you regard me as weak and in need of help and without the disability I wouldn't be worthy of your help. In that case, I'd prefer you treat me like everyone else and don't hold the door for me.
May 7, 2019

Nobu doesn't say how hard to open the door is.  

On one hand, opening the door for others is looked at a good manner in some countries as well as a habit. On the other hand, even if there are some people don't have such a habit, it's not strange. It is a culture difference. You can't force it in a different country. He is just asking why do they look at it in a good manner in foreign countries.

If you don't like this discussion, please leave here without mocking Nobu.


May 8, 2019
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Nobu
Language Skills
English, Japanese, Russian
Learning Language
English, Russian