What is my feeling that I don't like? I don't like myself when I feel jealous to others. When I see the well dressed woman, when I hear someone speaks English fluently, when someone is dating a very good looking guy, I wish I could be one of them, then I become blue. What is others' feeling that I don't like? When a person is blamed by many people, more people are likely to bash the person even if they don't know the truth. I don't like to jump on the band wagon. I avoid to be influenced easily by others.
Thinking about these two perspective, I found there is a contradiction in my feeling. I'm jealous to others and want be like them, but on the other hand, I don't want to be infected by others. How complicated!