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Florian K.
Professional Teacher
Why are boundaries important in relationships?
I realized the importance of setting boundaries in relationships, whether it is about work or personal. When a person gets too comfortable that is when s*** happens. If you allow your partner, for example to always be late on your date, the end result is he will probably be late on dates. If you allow your friends to always borrow money from you, they will end up borrowing money all the time. There are times when we must convey or communicate to them that it’s not always okay. I saw a lot of friendships destroyed because they forgot to set boundaries. When friends start to make your romantic life an issue or when friends give unsolicited advice. I think that even with family, friends and business partners, healthy boundaries must be set to avoid conflicts. It’s okay to tell family members, “hey guys can we chip in so that we can pay the rent?” Instead of paying it all by yourself and Then, complaints will start pouring in.
I had a friend who was really reserved and private and so I never asked about her romantic life. She likes it that way, when we are together, we never talk about our private lives. I had friends who never want to be tagged in our photos together because their Social media accounts are only used for work. I had friends who never want to be asked about particular questions unless they initiate it. They were clear with some boundaries at the onset and I think it’s great because you can respect their personal space. Once you go beyond that, oh my..........arguments happen. Even with husband and wife, especially those who work together.
It is the same concept that I apply in my job as a teacher. No matter how close I am to a student, I always tell them that it is not okay to reschedule after 24 hours or at least don't do it three times in a row. If you set healthy boundaries your relationship, as a student or a business partner will go further. If you do not communicate your boundaries, you will end up hating each other. As a result, you will lose him/her as a friend and a business partner.
I would like to add the definition of boundaries in this discussion.
Personal boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave towards them and how they will respond when someone passes those limits.Thanks @Kai E (Wikipedia definition)
Apr 29, 2020 9:33 AM
Comments · 26
Build a wall ...like Trump : )
April 29, 2020
In my opinion, that definition of boundaries is correct but probably it must be contextualized.
For example at work, in new friendship or with study partner we need to set boundaries in order to live in a more balanced ambient but when we talk about relationship or stable friendship the word boundaries acquires a different specific weight.
If i spend a lot of time with a person it s correct that feelings such as respect, empathy, condescension etc. govern me. If i always arrive late at date and i can t feel your emotions and your reactions to it the real problem is not boundaries (that we assume they can improve our relation) but probably there s a lack of "deep" connection between us. it is disheartening to have to be told something rather than understeand it by yourself, specifically in this kind of relation.
April 30, 2020
@Guyomar Very well said and I am sure that learners would learn from your comments. It is okay to say No and it is okay not to always follow the norm, the crowd or even to set boundaries with relationships. A lot of people try to please everyone and end up hating themselves. I think that if people are clear about boundaries then people will have more harmony in their relationships. It’s also okay not to always have harmonious relationships.
Personal space is really important,especially now and because we lack personal space, conflicts arise more often.
April 29, 2020
Thanks for starting a discussion near and dear to my heart, Florian.
Boundaries necessarily imply shutting out some things and some people.
We don't say yes to every business proposal.
We don't always reciprocate interest from a stranger.
We don't let just anyone into our home.
We don't enter relationships with every person who is interested.
We don't accept every request.
Enforcing boundaries implies becoming comfortable saying no and shutting some people, some activities and some practices out of your life, if they are not conducive to your well-being. It absolutely does mean shutting out some people. I believe that it is good for us not to tolerate anyone or anything that makes us feel worse in our personal space.
April 29, 2020
@Guyomar It’s nice to hear from you again. It’s always a pleasure to read your insightful and honest comments. Speaking of gas lighting, it is more common nowadays but some people don’t realize it.
April 29, 2020
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