吴翊君
Could you please make it sound native? Thank you So much!
Here is some dialogue in a documentary I am making: the Yellow River, the Lanzhou City.
Could you please make it sound native? Thank you!
Scenario 1:
The Yellow River gave birth to us, we grow up eating its water and have a deep affection for it.
The Yellow River is poetic in your eyes, isn't it?
Yeah, I think she's very poetic. I don't think she's that surging, but rather quite quiet, and it's nice to hear the sound. I wanted to paint the Yellow River in a… poetic way. So that's why I tried to paint in a kind of pointillist brushstroke. That's the thing I want to do.

Scenario 2:
——Mr. Cook ( How I should address the cook?), hello, can you tell me a little bit about the process of making beef noodles?
——Yes. It’s started by mixing the dough. This step is done in that dough mixer. Pour a bag of flour into the machine and it will slowly churn it up. Finally, pull the lid up. That's the process of mixing the dough. Then let the kneaded noodles wake up, that's how it works. Now you can start pounding and kneading with your hands. When the dough is smooth, the noodles will be chewy and the beef noodles will taste good, just like vermicelli.
——Mr. Cook, Lanzhou beef noodles taste different from beef noodles in other cities, what makes it different?
——The soil and water. And each beef noodles shop has its own ingredients for that the noodles, and that also makes it different. The key is the soil and water, the climate.
——Because Lanzhou is near the Yellow River.
——Yes, the mother river, the water of the mother river. There are some points we have to emphasize about the beef noodles: first, clarity; Second, white; third, red; and four green. Clarity means the soup has to be clear; White means chewy noodles; then the green one is garlic and coriander; the red one is the chili oil, and the yellow one is the layer of butter floating on top.

Narrator
王小明Wang Xiaoming (should it be Xiaoming Wang?Xiaoming is first name,Wang is surname)
Cameramen
……
Jun 9, 2020 10:37 AM
Comments · 3
If you paste this in Notebook, it makes it easier for teachers to correct properly.

All the best.
June 9, 2020
Scenario 2:
——Mr. Cook ( How I should address the cook? -<em> Don't address the cook by name or ask for their name and use it. Mr. Cook is unnatural)</em>, hello, can you tell me a little bit about the process of making beef noodles?
——Yes. It’s<s> started by mixing the dough</s>. The first step it to mix the dough <s>This step is</s> and it's <s>done</s> mixed in that dough mixer. Pour a bag of flour into the machine and it will slowly get churned <s>churn it</s> up. Finally, pull the lid up. That's the process of mixing the dough. Then, let the kneaded noodles wake up (if you mean that you wait a few minutes before working with the noodles we use the phrase "rest" - "Then, let the kneaded noodles rest."), that's how it works. Now, you can start pounding and kneading with your hands. When the dough is smooth, the noodles will be chewy and the beef noodles will taste good, just like vermicelli.
——<s>Mr. Cook</s>, Lanzhou beef noodles taste different from beef noodles in other cities, what makes <s>it</s> them different?
——The soil and the water. And each beef noodle<s>s</s> shop has its own ingredients for <s>that the </s>their noodles, and that also makes it different. The key is the soil and the water, and the climate.
——Because Lanzhou is near the Yellow River.
——Yes, the mother river, the water of the mother river. There are some points we have to emphasize about the beef noodles: first, clarity; Second, white; third, red; and four<em>th </em>green. Clarity means the soup has to be clear; White means chewy noodles; then the green <s>one</s> is garlic and coriander; the red <s>one</s> is the chili oil, and the yellow <s>one</s> is the layer of butter floating on top.

Narrator
王小明Wang Xiaoming (should it be Xiaoming Wang?Xiaoming is first name,Wang is surname - <em>When using a Chinese name the practice is to use the Chinese custom of last name first, then first name. Wang Xiaoming.</em>)
Cameramen
June 9, 2020
This sounds really interesting! I'd love a link to your documentary when you're finished.

 Scenario 1:
The Yellow River gave birth to us, we<s> grow</s> grew up <s>eating </s> drinking its water and<em> so we </em>have a deep affection for it.
The Yellow River is poetic in your eyes, isn't it?
Yeah, I think <s>she's</s> it's (you have used it everywhere else so be consistent) very poetic. I don't think <s>she's</s> it's that <s>surging</s> turbulent, but rather <s>quite</s> pretty quiet, and it's nice to<s> hear the sound </s>listen to. I wanted to paint the Yellow River in a… poetic way. So that's why I tried to paint it in a kind of pointillist brushstroke way. That's the thing I want to do. (I'm confused about why you're using present simple here. What does the speaker want to do? Pain the river? The sentences before are all in past tense so we assume the painting is finished. Maybe the sentence should be, "That's what I wanted to do.")

June 9, 2020
吴翊君
Language Skills
Chinese (Mandarin), English, Japanese
Learning Language
English, Japanese