This is my preference, This is correction This is my comment - Jeff
Deeper Than Forever "Deeper Than The Deepest" or "Longer than Eternity" or "Forever And A Day" (My choice).
Going home today
You looked me in the eye
Something stirred inside you Somethin within you stirred,
'Cause you told me said goodbye "to me" is redundant. Your 2nd line established the fact about you two.
We went our own ways
But we were far from apart
'Cause when our eyes meet together
There was a jolt at in our hearts
Vulnerable, your expression tells me.
With shock and confusion
I think mine matched yours equally. for rhythmic purposes. Poetry are meant to be recited...
As the air sparked with tension
The goodbye broke the moment
But the memory was ours
To remember and in torment
Our hearts, over one for each other
Though we’d separated
Our minds were are melded
Our thoughts were of for the other
Lingering and but growing darker
Our rest that night was peace less That night we found no peace,
Our memory made our mind careless Our memory to be made our minds careless and ill at ease.
'Cause what we dreamt may dream
We came will come to detest
For each other, we left sleepless For each other, no sleep we may find
Even in the bedlam of dreams
We could cannot renounce our power We cannot shed our feelings
Over Forthe other
We were are bound together
By ties that ran run deeper than forever and a day
Thanks you for reading :DD
I know it's the easiest :D but i can't seem to write about other things. :( @ jeff
it ends with both people going to sleep, possibly to dream of each other but knowing that they and bounded by something beyond both of the.
thank you both :))
It's quite "dark", but I like it. So how does it end? I can't tell. :S
Thanks for sharing with us your feelings. Love poetry is the easiest to write and yet for each and everyone of us, a slight different shade. Still we know of this common feeling that us, humans share.