Moon Min Seong
My Second poem :DD Please read :DD

This is my preference, This is correction This is my comment - Jeff

 

Deeper Than Forever  "Deeper Than The Deepest" or "Longer than Eternity" or "Forever And A Day" (My choice). 

 

Going home today

You looked me in the eye

Something stirred inside you Somethin within you stirred,

'Cause you told me said goodbye "to me" is redundant.  Your 2nd line established the fact about you two.

 

We went our own ways

But we were far from apart

'Cause when our eyes meet together

There was a jolt at in our hearts

 

Vulnerable, your expression tells me.

With shock and confusion

I think mine matched yours equally.  for rhythmic purposes.  Poetry are meant to be recited...

As the air sparked with tension

 

The goodbye broke the moment

But the memory was ours

To remember and in torment

Our hearts, over one for each other

 

Though we’d separated

Our minds were are melded

Our thoughts were of for the other

Lingering and but growing darker

 

Our rest that night was peace less That night we found no peace,

Our memory made our mind careless Our memory to be made our minds careless and ill at ease.

'Cause what we dreamt may dream

We came will come to detest

 

For each other, we left sleepless  For each other,  no sleep we may find

Even in the bedlam of dreams

We could cannot renounce our power We cannot shed our feelings

Over Forthe other

We were are bound together

By ties that ran run deeper than forever and a day

 

Thanks you for reading :DD

Jun 15, 2012 12:51 PM
Comments · 3

I know it's the easiest :D but i can't seem to write about other things. :( @ jeff

it ends with both people going to sleep, possibly to dream of each other but knowing that they and bounded by something beyond both of the.

thank you both :))

June 16, 2012

It's quite "dark", but I like it. So how does it end? I can't tell. :S

*thumbs up!

 

June 16, 2012

Thanks for sharing with us your feelings.  Love poetry is the easiest to write and yet for each and everyone of us, a slight different shade.  Still we know of this common feeling that us, humans share.

June 15, 2012
Moon Min Seong
Language Skills
English, Japanese, Korean, Spanish
Learning Language
Japanese, Korean