Moon Min Seong
Untitled Poem :DD I wrote this about a year ago

This is my peference This is correction

Untitled 2

 

I wonder at times

When I lay down to sleep at night.

What she’s thinking of,

And who’s on her mind.

 

She had cut through my fences    barriers.

She stole my heart                   And stolen my heart.

Shattered are my defences

And left me bleeding when as she did departed.

 

For a period of time

That felt like a never-ending eternity,

I paid for a ‘crime’

I never did commit.

 

By She renounceding her coveted company for me!

 

Now that she’s in my life again...

Although I’m forgiven,

Nothing’s the same!

And just being with her,

Tearings my heart with in pain.

 

Yet why at night

She claimeds my thoughts?

It’s just not right

That I’m losing what I’ve sought.

With Peace and strength

To heal my plight.

Only Love and friends to can bring back the light

 

Though no matter what I do,

She’ll always be a part

Of everything that's important

And dear to my heart.

This is why I lay

In this here and now

And Remembering the times we’d play’d.

The Memories... we once shared,

With hope,

She would remembers how she cared.

 

So sad.  You need to learn how to punctuate your poem to give it a more expressive mood.  May I suggest this as your title, "Did She Remember?"

Jun 25, 2012 4:13 PM
Comments · 2

thank you^^ i actually like the title suggestion. I'm never exactly sure where to put puncuation marks... and it is a little sad :/ the tone and mood that is.

June 25, 2012

Thanks for your wonderful contribution.  The colored changes are my suggestions.  Feel free to ignore them if they didn't convey the right sentiment :)

June 25, 2012
Moon Min Seong
Language Skills
English, Japanese, Korean, Spanish
Learning Language
Japanese, Korean