kalam_magnolia
A Poem By Foroogh Farokhzad

This is a lovely poem which I want to share with you all. However, this is not my translation but from someone. I found this piece on the internet.<img title="Wink" src="http://www.italki.com/Scripts/tinymce/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-wink.gif" alt="Wink" border="0" />

وهيچ کس نميدانست

نام آن کبوتر غمگين

که از قلبها گريخته

ايمان است

 

"And no one knew that name of the doleful dove which had fled from the hearts was called faith"  (Foroogh Farokhzad)

 

As a sentence in prose, the above is definitely okay.  I added "called" just to make the sentence clearer because it is a complicated one.

 

When you indented like in the original with the translation, it is a bit awkward

 

"And no one knew            And no one knew...
that the name of the         The name of the
doleful dove which           Doleful dove which
had fled from the             Had flown from our hearts,
hearts was "faith"            Was called "faith".

 

I don't know if in the original word used is fled.  I used flown instead because of the metaphor of a bird used in the poem.

 

oops, I think I have deleted your original Farsi by mistake.  Can you re-edit this and put it back in the original.  I don't know if you can reinsert it back in here.  If you can please do, if not, add a comment and I shall reinsert it back.  So sorry. :((((

 

 

Jun 26, 2012 6:19 PM
Comments · 9

<em>Yes, it is. <img title="Wink" src="http://www.italki.com/Scripts/tinymce/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-wink.gif" alt="Wink" border="0" />
</em>

June 27, 2012

<img title="Smile" src="http://www.italki.com/Scripts/tinymce/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-smile.gif" alt="Smile" border="0" /><em>Thank you so very much, Jeff. Thank you for your correction. <img title="Smile" src="http://www.italki.com/Scripts/tinymce/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-smile.gif" alt="Smile" border="0" />
</em>

June 27, 2012

yes in the oroginal one it is the GARDE IS Dying

June 27, 2012

Dear Seda, I will send you the tatal of it to your message.  

June 27, 2012

Jeff, when you told This one is very nice but worded awkwardly, I guessed I have to write it in a line because it maked sence in Farsi not in Eglish. Then I chaged it. In this way of writing in Farsi, makes the poem very beautifull and powerfull in rhyme.

 

Thank you for adding "called" and changing "flown" that make the poem really better. I want to rewrite it again.

 

"And no one knew that name of the doleful dove which had flown from the hearts was called faith" 

June 27, 2012
Show More
kalam_magnolia
Language Skills
English, Persian (Farsi)
Learning Language
English