I don't know what goes on in my "so called mind" sometimes.
I've suffered some very stressful and unpleasant things.
Whilst searching for a person I want to speak to, I found some old posts from italki, on google.
"Breaking the terms and conditions" is an understatement.
Wantonly decimating them beyond all recognition, more like. I think it's a testamony to my hard work, and to italki's patience to let me stay on the site at all.
Dropping "f" and "c" bombs, should be instant dismissal.
I unfortunately respond with aggression to the degree of hurt I feel.
"aggression" is an interesting word and concept, there is no aggression really.
No one attacks people harder than they are, so anyone who attacks someone, is doing so because they think they can do so, which is what's called a bully.
So, I don't like being aggressive, it's not impressive.
I can be intellectually aggressive, but that's just a reaction to the decades of abuse I've had to take from stupid people who had my job in their hands.
You honestly wouldn't believe the way I've been treated.
It's like being intelligent is offensive and a crime, here.
That's why I need to work for myself, there's nothing else in Newcastle for me, any more.
I never turn my back on my options, but I don't want to rely on old ways, either............if i do that, how will I ever change? And get away from the jobs which have never amounted to anything for me?
I think I am banned from talking in here too :)
You can do it mate!
Patience is an interesting word too.
Yes I make some money for them, yes my statistics are good (I've worked hard for them) but I broke the terms and agreements so badly, that it's a miracle I'm still here. I thought I was bigger than the owners of the site.
It's a psychological and emotional problem, I've seen it before, it ruined my friendship with a singer from Prince's band, she's called Rosie Gaines, but then, she forgot everything I did for her too, her manager stole all of her money and ran away, I telephoned every tv show in the UK to get contact details for people she needed to speak to when she wanted to perform here.
But no, in my case, italki is right, and actually kind.
Nah, italki did nothing wrong.
I was entirely in the wrong, an egotistical maniac.
I read some of my own comments and they were disgusting, I mean what I said was entirely true, but I should let the truth speak for me, not attack people with words.
I reacted to things that hurt me, but my reactions made me look unreasonable and like an offensive person, which just stopped people seeing the cruelty towards me (with on tutor.net) not LEO. I apologised for that and wished them well.
My own offensive behaviour got me blocked, it's my own fault.
Technically I should have been banned, which I think, shows the kindness of the italki staff.