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Jeff
Some Inspiration...

Here are some photos that I took over the weekend at a West Hollywood bar.  It was a nice fireplace with fire burning over some modern looking glass beads with a traditional grate.  Hopefully they will inspire you to write a poem in your native tongue.  I did.  We can then compare what we wrote...  It would be better if you can provide an English translation as well :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nov 13, 2012 2:47 AM
Comments · 12

Thanks.  If you continue to write and express yourself, your own way of polishing will become better.  This is how I started.  Express my feelings on paper; have them corrected and learnt what was being corrected.  It is so much easier nowadays.  In the old days, I have to ask people whom I know and yet did not want them to know.  Today, you can have people from all corners of the world to help and remain "anonymous".

November 15, 2012

Thanks Jeff. Yes I though at a one sided love, an apparent love.

Your your polishing it makes it brilliant.

November 15, 2012

The last three images of the flames looks like dancers!  Here's my original thought when I was mesmerized by the flames.

 

Swirling fires columns of fire,

A curtain of falling tears.

A spike of passion,

A well of sighs.

November 14, 2012

Thanks.  Now I can do some polishing.

 

The fire burns, releasing its light and heat.

I lie as I wait for your return.

I fell asleep;

Overwhelmed by its vibrant color.

Then your fragrance wafted and woke me up.

In embrace, a kiss for you,

But now only a log left smoking weakly.

The frost no longer lingering with the moon,

Clasping you, my beloved cold flame.

 

From what I read, it gives me the sense that this is a one sided love now?  This is because of the images of one log is left and its heat is gone now; a cold flame etc.

November 14, 2012

I make an attempt.

 

Fire burns and releases its bright heat

I'm laying waiting your return

I fall asleep overwhelmed by its vibrant colour

Then, sudden your smell waked me

I embrace you  I hold you, I kiss you

Only a log was remain it smokes weakly

Outside the moon and the frost does not linger

I do clasp you, mine beloved cold flame

 

 

November 14, 2012
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Jeff
Language Skills
Chinese (Mandarin), Chinese (Cantonese), Chinese (Other), English
Learning Language
Chinese (Mandarin), Chinese (Cantonese), Chinese (Other)