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Jeff
Inflammed Passions

Since I am the author of this, I can edit :)  So I am going to put everyone's together for easy reading.  Benben's is very good after all she's studying to be a translator.  Hers is in green while mine is in blue and Cathy's in orangeWe all have the same translation when there is only one translation.  Of course my Chinese isn't as great as you native speakers, so feedback is important for everyone to learn from each other!  As more try their hand, I shall include them here as well.

 

Closer and closer,

近了,更近了,

近一點, 再近一點, (Cantonese would be 近些, 再近些少)

Encircling so ever closer

四面缠绕,从未如此接近,

环绕着所以更近了

緾環這麽近在

Towards the sirenic1 lure of the flame.  

朝着火焰那迷人的诱惑

朝着那诱人的烈焰,

妖歌燄火之魅力裡

Hissing...

咝咝                 both are excellent onomatopoeia

嘶嘶作响,

Undulating waves of heated passion.

波涛汹涌的热情

情如热浪翻涌。

熱辣辣波蕩的慾情.

Closer and closer

近了,更近了,

來來再近一點

With each sweep, still even closer.

每一次延伸仍然在靠近

不断靠近,随着每一步前行,

每次一掃旋轉, 每次近.

"Feel the ecstacy starting to boil

心中的狂喜迷幻的感觉开始沸腾

感觉那迷幻的世界开始沸腾

可感覺到鎖魂逛喜開始沸騰

In your obsessed desires"

在你令人着迷的渴望中

在你情迷意乱之时

於你火慾薰心中

Sang the tongues of the Flame.

歌唱着的火舌

烈焰之舌在欢诵。

火舌在歌唱

Closer and closer

近了,更近了,

來來, 來多一點吧

Still a bit more...

再近一点

还有那么一点点,

再多近一些

Feel the sinuating curves of my body.

感触我身体波浪般的曲线

触摸我曲线起伏的身体,

摸我蛇動曲彎的体綫.

Let your repressed pleasures set ablazed.

让你的压抑尽情燃烧吧

让你点燃你被抑制的欢愉吧!

讓你的壓製的逸樂大赦()

Yessssssssss...

是的

是啊!

...

That's it...

就是这样

就应如此!

這样才對

Caress me!

拥抱我

爱抚我,

擁摸着我

Let me burn away

让我继续燃烧

让我燃烧殆尽,

讓我盡燒去,

Your mortal remains

你的遗体

留着你的凡人之躯,

你的凡夫肉体

And as for your immortal soul --

以至于你那不朽的灵魂

至于你的不朽之魂,

至於你永存不敗的靈魂

Forever locked in my eternal embrace!

永远封锁在我永恒的拥抱里

永远紧拥在我的怀抱中。 

永世監禁於我擁括中.

 

The last four lines really say that I don’t care how you look anymore, but whether you are willing or not, your soul will forever be locked (imprisoned) in my embrace.

 

1.  A “Siren” is a mermaid/nymph of the sea in Greek Mythology.  They can sing most beautifully on an island.  When men hear their song, they forget everything and jumped into the ocean for them where these monsters would eat them.  There’s a scene in the Pirates of the Caribbean where they make an appearance.  Finally they were destroyed by the more enchanting lyre music of Orpheus when Jason and the Argonaunts passed through.  The only mortal that heard their music and lived was Odysseus who plugged all other sailors’ ears  with wax and himself being tied to the mast of his ship.  Hence sirenic is an adjective used for this song.  In modern days, a Siren means (not that horrid sound blasting from an ambulance etc) a singer with a very enchanting and seductive voice.  You can’t call Barbara Stressiand a Siren though because her voice though a wonder is not seductive!

 

10 Sep 1992 

Nov 21, 2012 9:46 AM
Comments · 18

I am sure you are better.

December 6, 2012

"每次近" is not a complete sentence, like"你漂亮","我好". We can get the meaning of them, but we usually speak like "你很/真漂亮","我很好". I suppose “每次近” is not so native expression of Chinese translation.

December 6, 2012

I was not in my total Chinese mode!  It was still in the stage where Chinese and English were still mixed and not separated yet :(

 

I think "旋轉一掃, 每次近" would be better; and "緾環越縮越近" would be better :)

December 6, 2012

Your vocabulary is okay, but some of your sentences are like translation from Google translation, "緾環這麽近在""每次一掃旋轉, 每次近". 

December 6, 2012

I like some of your translation, such as "近一點再近一點,","妖歌燄火之魅力裡". 

December 6, 2012
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Jeff
Language Skills
Chinese (Mandarin), Chinese (Cantonese), Chinese (Other), English
Learning Language
Chinese (Mandarin), Chinese (Cantonese), Chinese (Other)